The Perfect Gift

Carve out time this holiday season to spend few moments with your children. Spend time enjoying who they are. Teachable moments are great. Instilling discipline certainly necessary but don’t forget to spend time not lecturing or cajoling or reminding or correcting but just being with them and listening.  We can tell them that we love them and we should tell them that we love them, but listening to them and being in their world for just a few minutes once in a while will show them that you love them. Turn off your phone, don’t look at Facebook, ignore the TV and the radio and be with each of your children. Five minutes of coloring or cutting snowflakes or listening to knock- knock jokes will convince them of your love, will steady them in a hectic world.

Spending a little time alone with God, our heavenly father, calms and reassures us. The same is true for our children. A calm and quiet time with your children will be a blessing to them, will forge a connection between the two of you. That connection will give them confidence to face their world with the knowledge that they are truly liked and loved. That is a perfect Christmas gift.

Five steps to including children in worship

 Our children are a part of the family of God. As part of the family of God, children need to participate in worship. Jesus calls us to worship, to come together as a family and Jesus made a point of not excluding children. If children sit back and play while their parents worship the message is that worship is only for adults.

The first step in involving children in worship is to require or encourage your child to follow the physical actions of worship. Stand when the congregation stands, sit when the congregation sits, kneel when the congregation kneels. At this point there is no need to read the prayers,  just follow the the actions of worship. Kindergarten is just the right time to start this.

 Second, share your prayer book, bible and hymnal with your child. Hold the books at his or her reading level.Trace under the words with your finger so that they can see where the congregation or clergy is on the page. At first it is too fast and too complicated for them to read along, just give them the opportunity to see what is happening. They will drift and lose interest, but when they look back they can see that there is a system to all this talking.

The third step is  a continuation of the second. Keep reading, keep showing them where we are, but now ask them to find the hymns just before time to sing a hymn. Hymns are first because the numbers are big and easy to read.

 Fourth, introduce the bulletin. This may taking some chatting before or after the service though it also can be accomplished by pointing to the page number indicated in the bulletin and then turning to that page in the appropriate book. Point at the bulletin, point at the page number in the book  over and over and eventually it will sink in.

  Finally, begin to just hand them the right book at the right time all the while pointing at page number listed in the bulletin. Hymnal before the procession, prayer book for the collect, bible for the readings, hymnal for the gospel procession, prayer book for the prayers and the creed  and on and on all while standing, sitting, and kneeling at the right time. It is a lot to figure out. It will take time and patience.

    In being attentive to the worship experience and mentoring our children to an understanding of the mechanics of worship, we teach them that it is very important to us. We model what we want. We set the expectation of participation. Our actions will teach them that worship isn't just for the grown ups it is for all of us and we are all joined as one body of Christ.

Bless this Child

     There is a tiny book entitled To Bless a Child written by Roy G. Pollina.  Fr. Pollina encourages parents to start the tradition of speaking a blessing to your children. It is an endearing concept; a tradition well worth establishing. The book gives step by step instructions on crafting your own blessings.

      To speak a blessing over your child is to tell them not just that you have good wishes for them but that you are, in that moment, entrusting them to God's care, that you are speaking to God about your dear child.  What a powerful message this sends to your child. It tells your child that you believe that God is here and part of his or her day. It tells your child that you seek from God the very best for them. It reminds them of God's story, God's love and their place in the family of Christ.

     My children are in college and high school. I felt self conscious when I put my hand on my daughter's forehead as she prepared to step out of the car in the dark hours of the morning. Quietly I said," Lord Jesus grant my child peace and confidence on this day." She looked at me and said, "That sounds like something the Pope would say." Then she smiled , kissed my cheek and stepped out of the car. Maybe she thinks I am nuts, but maybe she was reminded of the depth of my love and God's love for her.

Sacred Space

 During the last week of July our church held its annual Home Grown Mission Week. This a week of middle school and high school students working on community projects during the day and sleeping on the floor of the youth room at night. It is a week full of challenges and blessings. It is hard for 17 teenagers ranging in age from 11 to 18  to work together, eat together, play games together and rest together. It takes a lot of grace sometimes it is there and sometimes it is missing.

One time in each day when the acceptance and grace shined through was in the evening. After the games, but before we bunked down, as a group we trekked up two flights of stairs to Mary's Chapel, the small chapel to the side of the sanctuary.  There was much goofing around as we went up the stairs and hints of ghosts or other things that go bump in the night as we approached the darker parts of the church. The kids would gather outside the door of the chapel and wait for me to lead them in. I didn't ask them to wait, but they did. As I opened the door and lead them into the chapel  each night there was a change to the demeanor of them as individuals and as a group.We were entering a sacred space and peacefulness was quietly waiting for us there.

Some reverenced the cross; some did not. All were quieter. There was some jostling for pew space, but very little. Each of them took a prayer book, opened it and participated. This time of prayer was not  a teaching moment, I had no message for them. It was a time of prayer for all of us. I asked them to be silent for a few seconds so we could refocus; leave the pile of difficulties behind and enter into a quieter feeling. After about 30 second or at least 5 good deep breaths for me, I would start Compline in the Book of Common Prayer. We wandered through the confession and the prayers, the Lord's prayer and the psalm and ended with the final blessing. By the time we were done we were changed  we were a closer community when we left; it was a change I can't explain, one of those mysterious of faith. 

We were faithful in prayer and we were blessed as a result. 

Why Vacation Bible School

We are a week away from the start of our annual Vacation Bible School, a week of bible stories, arts and crafts, games, snacks and silliness. There is some debate and discussion of the efficacy of vacation bible school. It is a lot of work, often a lot of money and a lot of arm twisting to get volunteers. Often we query, what's the return? Which leads, inevitably, to the question of what's the point? Are we trying to gain new souls for Jesus? Are we trying to recruit new members to the church? Are we providing some wholesome diversion for children or maybe a respite for parents during the long, hot summer?

The answer, I think, is yes to all of these questions. Most importantly we are creating a forum, a time and a place, to share the love of Christ. Loving others is not in the declaration of love. We can not rest with the claim that, why yes we do love our neighbors. We have to put some skin in the game. Enthusiastically welcoming a few dozen children into our church, creating skits and games, making puppets and terrariums, and animating the parables of Jesus is our way of showing Christ's love.  We model God's love of world and of the individual to the children, to each other and to anyone who cares to look.

What is the return from the investment of time, talent and tithe in VBS? What is the return of any ministry? How can it be measured? Maybe we are scattering the metaphorical seeds or maybe we are nurturing the seeds planted by others, maybe we will see some harvest. As is often the case when dealing with God and when dealing with people, we must take a step in faith that where we are faithful in sincerely sharing God's love, with patience, kindness, self-control and all the other fruits of the Spirit, God will be faithful to use our efforts to His purposes. VBS is not a means of making art and memorizing scripture. It is the time and place we set apart to love others as Christ loves without measuring the return.

Start with the end in mind

    It is Easter day. The end of what sometimes seemed like a long lenten season. Lent is an example of a season that starts with the end in mind. Lent leads us toward Easter. The disciplines of prayer, fasting, attending worship and acts of self denial are the flagstones in the path we are paving toward a rewarding and heart felt celebration of Easter and the risen Christ. Acts of self denial and discipline are not often anticipated with relish. They are the hard work, slowly and incrementally, leading to the end, to the joy of Easter. Doing the things we least want to do , the things that are tiring and tedious and inconvenient these are the moves we make to inch our way toward that end denying ourselves the easy path today in order to experience the greater reward of the goal attained tomorrow.


    Remember the end while you are in the middle in parenting your children. Just as the third and fourth weeks of Lent are a low time so also are there low times in parenting. There are times in Lent when Easter does not seem to be in sight, but it is there just around the corner. When raising children it is so easy to think that it will last forever so what does one night or week of homework matter, what does  a little disrespect hurt? Just as the practices of Lent seems to work like compound interest, adding up rewards faster than you would have thought, so to are the rewards of staying focused on the task of raising children. Keep the end in mind. Strong, respectful, loving Christian men and and women of God are what we are striving for.  At the end the celebration will be as joyous as an Easter morning after a long lent.

Lenten Discipline - Public or Private?

   Last year during the season of Lent I gave up meat. It was hard. Harder than I had imagined. Breakfast sandwiches without bacon are really only toast wrapped around a scrambled egg. Not inspiring. Lunch was less difficult; it's easy to pick meat off of salads. My husband, who was raised believing that a hamburger patty is an appropriate side dish to ham, was more than willing to eat the meat scraped off my lunch. Dinner, now that was difficult. The difficulty was finding forty days worth of main courses without meat. The joy of macaroni and cheese only lasts so long. I bought a vegetarian cookbook, I searched the internet.  My family made clandestine trips to Burger King and Taco Bell. The Easter ham tasted quite good.

So here we are now a few days into Lent a year later. It didn't occur to me to give up meat, rather I have taken on a task for Lent. I am torn between sharing this commitment so as to be held accountable and keeping it private so as to adhere to the admonitions of Matthew chapter 6 which urges us not to be showy in fasting or praying or giving of alms, but rather to do these things in secret with only God as our witness. 

Because I am, for the most part, the cook of the family, last year it just wasn't possible for me to keep my Lenten discipline of no meat a secret. I felt uncomfortable with it being noted, yet I felt supported by my friends who made an effort to accommodate me. The ladies who come to my house for a monthly dinner brought vegetarian lasagna and salads. My dear husband, with whom I eat lunch everyday, was conscientious, though he did ask me several times if chicken was really considered meat. All in all the atmosphere was too public for me so as I write this I am convinced that it is better, for me, to keep spiritual disciplines between me and God.

Whether to share or not to share your Lenten discipline is very personal and also conditional on what it is you are doing to improve your self and to move forward in your walk with God. There is no right answer. Prayer and practicality will be our guide year to year.

Have blessed Lent,
Michelle