Christmas

   The official Christmas season begins at midnight on Christmas Eve and ends with Epiphany on January 6th. Advent, the time to prepare for Christmas, is a whirlwind of activity at All Saints’ Church, starting with the first Wednesday of December when we have the annual children’s St. Nicholas party followed the next Wednesday by the youth group party. Wedged in between is a special Saturday rehearsal for the youth choir the day before they sing at the Lesson and Carols service. Interwoven through these events is the preparation, rehearsal and performance of the Christmas pageant.

   Once the pageant is over and the seven o’clock service wraps up on Christmas Eve, Christmas begins. Christmas Day and the following week are devoted to being with my family; my children, my husband, my extended family. It is a rare opportunity for the family to be together without the pull of work and school, of deadlines and alarm clocks. 

   In our family we have a traditional Christmas dinner on the 25th with our family and friends, then on the 28th is Grandpa’s birthday so we have a reason to gather again and over indulge in beef and chocolate (not at the same time). We have a final celebration on New year’s eve or new year’s day where we gather and drink Champagne and nibble at left over cookies.

   There is no substitute for just being together cooking, eating, napping, reading. Spending time being in each other’s presence working and playing side by side builds strong relationships. It is how Jesus built relationships with his disciples. It is how we build our relationships with God, with our spouses, with our children. We are together working at a task together or playing together, interacting not just existing. Listening to each other and responding. Giving love and receiving it, these are the most important gifts of Christmas.


Peace,
Michelle

Unexpected Sources of Blessing

I usually write about parenting. This time I am writing as a youth minister and a wife and a daughter.

A month ago it was Wednesday morning and youth group loomed near. I had a lesson planned, but I didn’t like it. It seemed random and disconnected.

As I ate breakfast with my husband I asked him, “What should I teach those kids tonight?”

 “Teach them something about acknowledging that people older than them might be worthy of a little of their respect, and might know a few things worth knowing. And teach them not to be so self-absorbed,” was his reply.

 I suspected this answer did not spring from the depths of spiritual contemplation, but more likely a recent and frustrating conversation with one or the other of our teenagers. I was pretty sure I couldn’t do all of that in 60 minutes. I gave him a noncommittal response. It seemed like a kernel of something, but I wasn’t sure what and, well, I hadn't really expected an anwer.

After my husband left for the office my mother called. She had thirty minutes to kill between two appointments and wondered if she could stop by. Well, I wasn't getting anywhere with a new lesson so I was happy for the distraction.

When Mom arrived she began to tell me about her morning’s work. It was her first visit to a nursing home as a hospice volunteer. She told me stories about chatting with those who were dying. She told me a lot about the training. She mentioned she is going to have to keep up with baseball because several of the gentlemen wanted to discuss the latest games. Just before she left she mentioned that if my youth kids ever had any extra time maybe they could make picture books for her. At the training they had received simple books made from construction paper and yarn. Each page having a nice picture from a magazine or calendar glued on its. The hospice volunteers used these as conversation starters and a pleasant way to pass the time during a visit.

Now to give this some context, many, many people think the teenagers at the church should do various things, usually things no one else would want to do. My mom is not one of those people.  In my four years as a youth minister my mother has never suggested that I get the teens to do anything, so for her to suggest an activity was out of the ordinary.

After she left I was praying and then it seemed so clear. I knew somewhere in the Bible it said that families should care for their own widows and the church should care for those who had no families to care for them. On-line bibles are a wonderful thing for busy youth ministers. A quick little word search and I found it in 1 Timothy. I had a lesson.

That evening, I explained a little about hospice, about caring for people at the end of their lives, about our responsibility to our grandparents and old aunties and even our parents. I asked them to consider that sometimes caring for others is not about us at all, but about our duty to others and to God. We read the verses in 1 Timothy 5.

I told them the story of being in the fifth grade and dreading a visit to my grandmother’s house. My mother told me that my grandmother wouldn’t be with us much longer so we had to go. We went that year and every year after that. Nineteen years later, when I was 29 years old and attended that grandmother’s funeral, I was glad that I had visited with her all of those times since my first complaint. Sometimes we do things because it is right, whether we want to or not. Sometimes we are blessed as a result.

 I explained what we were going to make. The kids were very quiet, they were very intense and then they dug into the project with sincere enthusiasm. They were seriously concerned about choosing the right pictures for someone who was dying. For a few minutes, they were thinking of someone they didn’t know, would never know and doing their best to care for them with their project. When we wrapped up we had at least 30 different pages for my mom to assemble as books.

They understood the message of caring for the dying, of looking outward at people different in age and experience, rather than inward toward their own peer group. Through my husband’s words and my mother’s hospice ministry God was able to create compassion in our teens which connected them to a different generation if only for a few minutes on a Wednesday night.

I couldn't have asked for more than that. It was a surprising and blessed evening.

Listen for God's voice in places you least expect it.

Michelle

Planting Seeds

   Planting seeds seems to be a theme that keeps coming up, in newletters and articles I have run across; “As you sow, so shall you reap” and “Some sow the seeds and others gather the harvest .” The words are all around me these days. The idea that I am planting seeds, small thoughts and beliefs that will someday grow into a real and active faith and compassion is what I need to hold onto.


   Working as a children’s minister and a youth minister I often have to remind myself about this concept. The work seems long and the rewards, while not few, they are sporadic. There are evenings when I think I should check my forehead for a lump because I have been banging my head against the wall for so long. When a member of the youth group tells a member of the clergy that she doesn’t think the quote, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is from the bible. When a child mentions after singing “Father Abraham” that he knows who Abraham is; he is on the penny. When, within moments of completing a lesson on the last being first and first being last, there is nearly a fist fight to be the first to get the popcorn. These are the times when I think perhaps the seeds have just caught the wind and never even landed, much less taken root.
   But then there are times when I feel redeemed. I feel like the Spirit of God is really among us. When I couldn’t pull the youth group away from hearing stories and working on jigsaw puzzles with the residents of an assisted living apartment. When nine teenagers volunteered without any coercion to get up an hour early during Mission Week so that they could go out and distribute care packages and sandwiches to the homeless, all before a full day of work in the Florida sun. When a seven year old willingly left her known friends and welcomed a new child into her game during children’s church. Those are the times when I am caught off guard and see something of the love we have been trying to teach them all along.

   The seeds of God’s words and commands to love one another are there. Some are just dormant a little longer than others. Some results we will never see. Some results are for others to harvest not us. All parents, grandparents, Sunday school teachers, youth workers and others who touch the lives of children take heart, keep planting the seeds of love, humility, honor, peace, patience, faith and all of the virtues to which we are called. It is the tiny acts of faith, faith in the seeds we are planting and in God’s hand in bringing them to fruition, from which the faith of a new generation will grow.

Michelle

Summer

   My favorite day of the year is the last day of school. I love this time of year. Even though my work hours are exactly the same as they were in the fall, winter and spring, it feels different, more relaxed. Perhaps it is that there are no early morning breakfasts, no rush to the bus stop, no evening homework or PTA meetings. There is still required summer reading and math review, yet the pace is less over wrought. My children are home alone and have to learn to be self directed in order to get the assigned housework, yard work and school work done without the parental unit there to negotiate things. Summer is a good time for children to learn some independence.

   At church the pace slows as well. So many children are away at camp or the beach or on vacation that each week Sunday school time is much quieter. To mark the change we have summer Sunday school. All of the elementary age children are together in one big class. It is louder and more chaotic. No one stays in their seats because this is the perfect opportunity for the big fifth and sixth grade students to help the little kindergarten and first grade and students.

   I assign each fifth and sixth grader to a first grader or kindergartener as Bible buddies. The big Bible buddy helps the little Bible buddy find the verse in Proverbs. The big ones do the writing or the stapling that little hands can’t do. Big Bible buddies portion out the snacks and serve them; little Bible buddies collect the empty cups and throw them out. Everyone talks a lot.

   Through the jumble of glue sticks and construction paper is the experience that there are many ways to learn about and feel God’s love. They feel the growth of being the one to help and the glow of having your own personal helper. The children learn to connect to each other without an adult hovering and directing. During the academic year Sunday school is more structured and during the summer it is a different sort of flow, less structure more experiential. It is a good change, at least for awhile.

   The flow of summer will sustain itself for only a short time. The novelty of combining the ages and assigning Bible buddies will wear off as the summer wears on. By the end of summer everyone will be ready for a more focused approach. And that is when my second favorite day of the year arrives, the first day of school.

Have a relaxed and refreshing summer.

Michelle

Easter - Bunny, Eggs and All

My friend refers to the annual Easter egg hunt and visit from the Easter bunny, that I organize, as the pagan ritual. She may have a point. There are no colored eggs or white rabbits involved in the telling of the resurrection in the gospels. Christian authors and greeting card writers try their best to tie the miracle of Easter to the egg and bunny traditions; it is a stretch.

While other ladies of the church are placing Easter lilies in the sanctuary and changing the altar cloths to white, I am hiding 800 plastic eggs filled with candy and making sure we have enough sidewalk chalk. Last night, Good Friday, as I stood with my hands in a hot, soapy bleach water scrubbing the fake, white fur of the bunny costume, I considered the pagan comment. I wondered if Jesus is displeased with our tradition, is it sacrilegious?

I don’t want to be the one to lead our children astray, but I don’t think the games of the Easter party will hurt them or lead them away from the beauty of the resurrection.  Jesus wants us to build community with one another and he didn’t prescribe exactly how or how not to do it. Just being together seems to build community in incremental steps and the egg hunt is one of the many steps in that process.The activity isn’t the point. The point is the love and fellowship we can share at the activity.

Running around grabbing up eggs full of candy does not make a child a pagan any more than putting a cross around their neck makes them a Christian. It is the life we lead and the faith we nurture before, during and after the egg hunt that will lead our children to the fulfillment of following the resurrected Lord. We are fulfilling our duty to our children when we show them the love of Jesus and the peace of a life with him, whether it is at church or home or a party or at dinner around the Easter ham, which I am pretty sure isn’t in the bible either.


Michelle

Lent

Lent is a time of spiritual reflection and correction. Certainly we should turn away from sin at all times in the year, but Lent gives us the official time to determine our spiritual needs and address them.  Some people need to stop doing something and others need to start doing something. It is a time of discipline and it comes around every year.

It seems there are two areas we can work on before God. Jesus tells us to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves. Lent is a perfect time to tackle a little spiritual growth in both areas. Loving God can take on the face of many spiritual practices, prayer, fasting, bible study, bible memorization, daily devotion to name only a few. These disciplines draw us closer to God and we enter into a loving relationship with Him as a result.

Children can be taught the discipline of loving God. Simple spiritual practices can be learned in the six weeks of Lent. If you don’t pray before meals, Lent would be a good time to start. Add a prayer before bed or before school. Lent is a time to learn to acknowledge our sins and repent of them. Children can learn to take responsibility for their sins and to ask for forgiveness. The memorization of simple prayers or scripture is a lovely spiritual discipline for Lent.

Learning to love your neighbor seems a little more difficult. Children need hands on, practical acts of love. Talk is fine, but means very little to children. Children’s stories are not about ideas, they are about events, often events of minuscule importance to adults, but events none the less.  Action is what sticks in their minds. Take action with your children. Make a practice of taking the neighbors emptied trash can up to the top of their drive on each trash day of Lent. Plant some rye grass in a little pot at the beginning of Lent and by Easter you will have a bright patch of grass to hide little eggs in and give away as a centerpiece.

Put your child in charge of clearing the dinner plates after each meal as a way to serve the family. Any child over the age of 3 years can do this, but I wouldn’t use the best china.  Since a 3 year old can do that, just think of what a 6 or 7 year old can do. Learning to serve the family is the first step in learning to serve all of God’s creation. Expressing thankfulness to others is a starting point. Ask your children to thanks the cafeteria ladies at school each day when they get their lunch. Thank the child or adult who helps them into the car at the after school car line.

Children will learn to love their neighbor only if they see it done by someone important to them. Parents and grandparents must model loving others, thanking others and forgiving others. We need to model loving God’s creation and respecting those we don’t like and don’t agree with if we want our children to do the same.

Explain to your children that it will make them a stronger person to learn to pray and to learn to work hard for others. Then, show them how to pray and how to work hard for others. Walk with them on the path that leads to the celebration of God’s love and hard work for us  - Easter.

Peace,
Michelle

Words

   The idea of words has been in the media in the past week or so. I have given it a lot of thought as well. The Bible is clear that our words have great power and consequences, yet we seem to use them so carelessly. I worry that our children are surrounded by words - on TV, the radio, the computer- that are too dramatic. Flowing through those ear buds is a river of vehement information, sentiment and emotion. It is as if we live in a world flooded with hyperbole. Everything is either the best or the worst; perfect or evil; to be loved or to be hated; to be taken terribly seriously or to be mocked.

   In both Matthew and Luke, Jesus tells us that what we say reflects the condition of our heart. ("Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:36 and Luke 6:45). As parents we need to listen to our children's speech. What children say about themselves and their world can provide insight into their souls. Souls we are shepherding. Their words can be a clue as to the needs of each child, be it to buoy up a sagging soul or to correct a lack of humility, patience or generosity.  We need to listen carefully and not just correct the words, but the condition of the heart the words reflect.

   We, as parents, are not excepted from governing our words as well. Cognitive psychology tells us that  what people hear profoundly impacts what they feel and their concept of themselves. I think children know intuitively that the words of their parents, teachers and friends reflect the feelings of the speaker's heart.  Small words can have an enduring impact on our children. I cringe when I hear, as I do regularly, parents saying negative things about their children in the hearing of the child. I have heard in the last week parents referring to their young child as a monster, a bulldozer, and trouble. (As in, "Here comes trouble.")  I hear parents referring to their children as lazy or stubborn and I see the reaction of the children. It is not good.

   Our words should be chosen carefully. Ephesians tells us to use our words to minister grace to the hearer. The gospel of Matthew tells us we will give an account for every idle word.  Choose what you say and what you and your children hear carefully; it has an eternal impact.

Peace in the new year,
Michelle