Humility is Hard

Teaching children humility is possibly the trickiest part of raising a child in the likeness of Christ. This week being Holy Week we are barraged by many images of a humble Christ. He is degraded, mocked left to die by those who had followed, benefited from and sworn allegiance to him. In the depths of this his sacrifice is real and love continuous. He is not found reminding the disciples of his miracles he is not found reminding the people of the feeding of their bodies and souls on the edge of the Sea of Galilee instead he humbly takes on the ultimate sacrifice without speeches or fanfare. Only a few are left at his feet when on Good Friday he takes his last breath on the cross. That is humility.

While many of the virtues we, as Christians, try to instill in our children have a common touchstone with the virtues taught by every good kindergarten teacher, humility is different. Those who choose to be outside the faith of Christ teach their children not to steal, not to lie, not to hurt other people, just as we do. Humility does not fall into that same category, at least not in America. Humility is vastly different.

In America, and perhaps everywhere, self promotion is the key. Minimize your faults and maximize your accomplishments. There is an old Country and Western song with the refrain, “It's hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way.” It makes me laugh when I think of it, but it's not so funny when you see such arrogance at work. It's everywhere. It's at home, it's at school and it's in the church. Who knows the most, who does the most, who has the most, who works hardest or longest or says “yes” the most often. None of these things are the down fall of humility. It's good to be good at something. It's the self-congratulatory stance, making sure someone knows “inadvertently” or blatantly of our virtuous acts, that undercuts humility. The problem is not in working hard, I think hard work is good for everyone. The problem is dwelling on the work and wallowing in the praise, all the while forgetting our sins, forgetting the many gifts we have been given quite undeservedly.

No matter how great you are, you pale in comparison to Christ. No matter how great you are, if you focus on your abilities and accomplishments you are directing the praise to yourself and not to Christ. Further, you are failing to serve others in humility as Christ directs. If you are busy thinking of your greatness, you might just pass the man on the road to Jericho and fail to stop and help.

Lecturing children on humility won't work. Modeling humility is the only chance. Teaching children that they are not the only people in the universe, that their feelings are not the only feelings that count, that their moment to moment comfort is not the focus, teaching them to serve others without the need for a payback or notice or thanks, that is a start. If we look very hard and I mean very hard, we as parents can find some examples of people who work hard and don't demand admiration or thanks or even notice. Humility goes hand in hand with thankfulness, thankfulness for the work, care and love of others. Thankfulness for the many gifts given to us will further move us on the path of humility. If we can open our eyes and and then lead our children to open their eyes to the few remaining humble servants in our world, we can set them on their way. They aren't going to learn it by watching TV, or hanging out with their friends or in school. It is up to us. Talk about it. Point it out when you see it. Model it. Pray for it.

Have happy and humble Easter,
Michelle

Lent

We are all so busy. It seems like it is a contest to see who is the busiest. We work and we clean and we cook. We feed the dog and the cats and the hamster and the chickens and the kids, hopefully not in that order. We volunteer and we go to church, school conferences, theater practice, 4-H, piano lessons, cello lessons, french horn lessons, science fair, history fair, e-team, math counts, acolyte, AV helper, youth group, kids' club and youth ensemble. Next week we start it all again, most of it the same, some of it different, but it all adds up to a lot. Some people have two jobs, some work three. Some go to school and work and volunteer and do all of the rest. We as a culture just can't say, "Stop". Our self image, our sense of importance is wrapped up in being busy. People are impressed if we are really, really busy. People talk about how busy they are, how much they get done, as if there is a big tally sheet in the sky with a running total for all to see and compete.

Lent is a time to say, "Stop". Being so busy, even if it is helping our kids and spouse, if we really exam it, is about us. We are the hero in our own movie. The movie called SuperMom or SuperDad or Superprovider or whatever we are trying to prove. We can't stop everything, but we can slow down. There are things in our lives that are big time-wasters. Watching television, surfing the internet, talking on the phone, shopping just for stuff. If we eliminate some of those, or a few of those, or one of those, we might have time for something more important.

Sure we need to shop for food, but what if we fasted from Wal-Mart and Target for Lent. What if we made ourselves slow down enough to read to our children every single night of Lent. (Reading aloud to children until they are about 10 years old is the single most important thing a parent can do to improve a child's academic success. Fancy videos and computer games can not give your children what reading aloud can, time with you.) There are great books for reading out loud, books the whole family will like. (The teens will roll their eyes but they can't help it. It's a teen condition. Just keep reading. They like it too.) What if everyone sat together to eat with the TV turned off, a couple times a week. It doesn't have to be a Norman Rockwell dinner. Grilled cheese together is better than Osso Buco with the family dispersed.

Lent is traditionally a time to simplify life, to make sacrifices and to take on a beneficial habit. Being with your children has to fall into that category; give up CSI Criminal Intent, take on an out loud reading of Charlotte's Web. They won't be little long. There will be time later to be super human. When your children are little and at home that is the time to be a mere mortal and to be proud that you have the time to read, to snuggle, to listen to long, long stories which have no point. You won't win the "I am the Busiest Person on the Planet" award, but you and your children will be the better for it. Everyone else will be too busy boasting about at their own score to even notice.

We are to love our children as God, the father, loves us, with sacrificial love. We, as parents, may have to give up our image of ourselves as doers in order to provide the love and care our children need and want. After all, I don't think God ever said," I'm busy running the universe here, I don't really have time for you right now." We don't want to send that message to our kids.

Have a simple Lent,

Michelle