A Quieter Christmas?

Slowing down is not heralded in our society. I suppose there are places, somewhere in the world, where being quiet and calm is greeted with approval, but I haven't lived in that world. As parents, we rush. We rush ourselves and our children; we rush to work and school and ballet and baseball and all of the places in between. Rushing leads to short tempers, and short tempers lead to harsh words and then someone ends up crying. The irony of screeching at my children, that if they don't hurry up we will be late to church, has not escaped me. I am taking them to church to learn to be charitable, loving, kind and patient, but on the way I am being impatient, wrathful and unkind. Slowing down is the answer, but the path to slowing down is difficult.

To slow down we have to let things go, a whole lot of things. To slow down to a child's pace there needs to be extra time at every juncture. There are some events we can't orchestrate, but there are many we can. The path to slowing down starts with saying,"No." Saying, "no" to things to which we have never considered saying, "no".

Christmas time is the worst time of year for the problems of the big rush. The kids are involved in everything. There are Christmas parties, pageants, outings; the gifts need to be purchased and wrapped and mailed and there are all of the traditions that have to be upheld. Does it all need doing? It doesn't, it really, really doesn't, despite what the TV and your family and the church and school all say. All of that business, no matter how noble, will not bring your child closer to Christ.

If you say no to most of these things someone, somewhere is going to be disappointed in you. Someone, somewhere, is going to be shocked that you are not doing your part for the school or the church or the family. If you say no and instead opt to stay at home with just your immediate family and cut out snowflakes or make a Christmas red and green paper chain for the tree without rushing, or sit at the piano singing Christmas carols off key, it will be scandalous.

I say this at my own peril. As the Children and Youth Minister, I rely on volunteers for everything from a child to light the Advent candles to all the many duties of the pageant. I know that the pull to do everything at Christmas is strong, so I'm not really worried that the programs are going to collapse. If every parent pulled out and said that they needed to stay at home and teach their children, in a real and hands on way, the love of Christ, how could I complain. I wouldn't or at least I would try not to complain.

Even if you have to say no to the church (though consider saying no to someone else as well), I encourage every family to set aside one night a week each and every week between now and Christmas to be with your children, without distraction. To slowly be in their presence, to listen to their stories, (even those long, long stories with no point), to share your stories with them and to teach them about Christ would be the best gift you can give. Grandma and every one else may complain, but being a good parent is seldom easy or popular.

Have blessed and peaceful Christmas,

Michelle

If only I were perfect.

I hate making mistakes. I guess everyone does, but my mistakes always seem bigger and dumber than anyone elses'. I’ll readily admit when I have made a mistake, but then I suffer to no end about having made an error. I have an inner critic who is quite the task master. My critic tells me that if I were more organized, if I was more thoughtful, if I didn’t rush or if I rushed a little more, if I prayed more, if I had more faith, if I was more like my mother, if I wasn’t so thoughtless, then I would not make mistakes like this one.

My inner critic is with me as I mother, as I exercise, as I clean house or fail to clean house and certainly is in full voice when I look at the contents of my minivan. I think that listening to this critic is a sin. It is a tricky thing to recognize this as a sin. It is like a friend who is giving you constructive criticism with snide undertones. That is a bad friend, not a friend at all. That inner voice is really whispering, “You aren’t good enough and never will be. Don’t believe all of that silly Jesus loves you business. How could he? You lost your car keys …again.”

It’s not a sin to recognize there is growth potential in your life. It’s a sin to let the little voice tell you that the most important thing about you is that you made a mistake. The most important thing about us is that God loves us and accepts us. And that through the love of Christ, we can grow in faith and grow in love.

The kicker is that our children do as we do, not as we say. That inner mean friend, that criticizes me and shoves aside the peace that a life in Christ offers, is contagious. It jumps from me to my children in a blink of the eye. When they see me disgusted with myself, then they suddenly are disgusted with themselves. (Boy, then do I feel bad, which is a little circular. My, “I am a bad mother,” thoughts turn into proof that, sure enough, I am a bad mother; my kids are worrying just like me.)

To love our neighbors as ourselves we have to love ourselves (which sounds very 1970’s). God loves us. Christ sacrificed himself for us without concern about how often we lose things and make mistakes. Indeed, he did it with full knowledge of our many flaws. To love our children, we must love ourselves and know that we strive for perfection through Christ, not aside form him. In this way, our children will learn the same thing. In Christ we will find the love and acceptance we need to then reach out to others.

So, now I have to go next door and admit a mistake and try to let it go with a smirk, an apology, and the effort it takes to make it right and tell that little voice to take a hike.

Peace,

Michelle