Miles to go before I sleep

If I thought I was all alone in this endeavor of raising children I might run away. Raising kids is hard. It takes endurance. Just when I think I have it figured out the rules all change. It is a moving target.

It starts, oh I don’t know, the day a child is born. That day or one very soon thereafter, is the day the awareness that the best laid plans are out the window. All of those self righteous, pious thoughts you had about the right way to raise children dissolve somewhere in the fog of interrupted sleep, inconsolable crying, and mountains of dishes and laundry and on top of that there is a baby to nurture.

I don’t know when the constant crush of decisions and responsibilities abate, but I’m entering my 14th year of motherhood and the end is not in sight. Everyone sleeps through the night now, but the mystery of the right response is still lacking a certain definitive quality. Should I be more involved or should I be less involved. Should I care that I am an unqualified embarrassment or ignore the mortification I am causing by the way I chew and laugh and talk and dress and, probably, breathe.

The comfort is that I am not alone. God has given me friends for each stage of my journey in motherhood. Community is a wonderful thing. The church creates community and there is comfort in that sense of enveloping camaraderie. The women I have known through my life in a spiritual community have had different opinions and different lifestyles and different priorities. Many of us have almost no common ground except motherhood, but we still support each other. We laugh and cry in snippets of conversation about the frustrations of potty training or the unexpected sassy retort from our little angel’s lips.

It is easy to help each other and we need to remember to take the time to do it. New mothers need, not advice as much as, reassurance. You will sleep again for more than an hour or two in a row. Of course withholding a little information is good too. That long sleep may not be for six months.

Admitting mistakes or moments of frustrated anger or the bewildering changes visited upon a household when adolescences takes hold, to other women and seeing their nodding heads and commiserating grins, helps ease the frustration of dealing with those moving targets. We should be thankful that God has given us this support group. We should now step out, not to criticize each other, but to support and laugh and cry together for the sanity it brings. A sane mother is a better mother. Just being heard and knowing that you are not going it alone is a blessing. Sometimes it takes the edge off, in the moment of frustration, to know that tomorrow night when I see my friends at church this is going to be a funny story.

There are plenty of places to get advise but not too many places where you can get encouragement and support. Church is one of them. Develop these gifts of friendship God has given us. Give by listening and receive by honestly sharing; it is for the good of us all.

Blessings,
Michelle