Fasting? Me?

Fasting, of all things, keeps popping up in my day. It started with a light hearted conversation with a friend. She swore she could never fast for a day because she starts planning dinner while she is swallowing the last bite of breakfast and in the background of those thoughts she is simultaneously weighing her options for lunch, while perusing the pantry for a mid morning snack. Next, I picked up a magazine and randomly opened to an article and what was the topic but fasting as part of yoga practice. That same evening I began reading an article in The New Yorker. Ostensibly it was a narrative of the writer’s experiences at a week long spa retreat in the deserts of California. As the article progressed, I realized the retreat was a no food retreat. (They served lemon grass tea and vitamins.) The author went on to detail various religions’ disciplines of fasting (everyone but Sikhs fast) and the scientific and nutritional implications of fasting.

Fasting was everywhere. I dismissed it as a new trend of which I was, once again, unaware. (I didn’t know blue eye shadow was back in until it was out again.) Then today I read the scriptures assigned in the Daily Offices of the Book of Common Prayer. The gospel from today’s daily office is Jesus’ temptation on the mountain. During this time Jesus was fasting. The Old Testament reading was from Kings. In that reading Ahab was fasting as well. Now I am convinced that there are fads in publishing, but I don’t think the writers of the Book of Common Prayer are in cahoots with the editors of The New Yorker so maybe I should give some of my attention to fasting.

The two fasts of today’s readings couldn’t be more different. Jesus’ fast was, of course, pure in heart; Jesus was launching his ministry. His was a fast of commitment, spiritually arming himself for the work to come.

Ahab's, on the other hand, was a fast born out of petulance. Ahab was sulking. He wanted his neighbor’s vineyard and he couldn’t have it. So Ahab lay down on his bed, faced the wall, and refused to eat. He continued his fast until his wife Jezebel cajoled him out of bed with a devious and murderous plan to acquire the land Ahab wanted.

Jesus’ fast was not for himself but an act of submission before God the Father. Ahab’s fast was solely for himself, to draw attention to himself and to manipulate others until they gave him what he wanted. When we as Christians fast it is more difficult than we might think to enter into a spiritually appropriate fast. To put aside the Ahab type of intentions.

Of course, at first blush, we think “Well I’m no Ahab. I’m not fasting to make my spouse concoct a plan to falsely accuse my neighbor of heresy and have him stoned to death so that I can then get his vineyard for a vegetable garden.” But perhaps when and if we fast we have some motives that are not completely pure. When we fast the challenge is to be sure that we are fasting only to be closer to God not for any ulterior motives; not to show our personal strength, not to try to manipulate God into answering our prayers, not to assure ourselves that we are superior to others, Christian or not, not to store up some spiritual cache.

Jesus set the example. Jesus went away from his followers and detractors when he fasted. The scripture gives no indication that he left the mountain and spoke to his disciples about the fast. The Gospel for today emphasizes not the fast but the temptations. The fast seems to be a back story, a given part of communing closely with God.

The times I have fasted, the fasting was not a back story. Not eating for a day is not easy. Fasting and not thinking about the fact that you are fasting is pretty tricky. Fasting and not talking about the fact that you are fasting is even trickier. Food is everywhere. We don’t just eat for sustenance we eat to be sociable, we eat to fill time, we eat to take a break from other tasks.
It’s hard to dodge all that eating. It’s even harder to not say, "No thank you I’m fasting”. The subtext being, “Don’t feel bad while you eat that candy. Clearly your spiritual development is not at the level of mine and that is why you must eat and I must not.” The gospel of Matthew addresses that issue when Jesus says that when you fast you should wash your face and anoint your head so that you are not seen fasting by men but by your Father in secret. ( Matt. 6:16-18).

Those same verses in Matthew make me realize that I have not fasted in a long time. I can’t help noticing that it says “when you fast” not “if you fast”. There is a certain presumption that fasting is part of a spiritual life just like praying. It seems I'm falling short but I have some great excuses.

It seems like a Catch -22. How do I fast without broadcasting it, while simultaneously preparing and serving food to my family? Supposing I can figure that one out, how do I proceed with a day full of kids and work and housework without eating? As a rule, I get mean when I don’t eat. I’m very sure Christ doesn’t want me to holler at my kids, “I’m fasting here so can you guys just zip it and stop bugging me!”

Perhaps once again I will have to rely on grace. Rely on the sanctity of God’s word and believe that since Jesus clearly wants each of us to use fasting as part of our spiritual growth then Jesus will provide the way. God will provide the strength that I don’t have on my own. Entering into a fast, in obedience to God, will be different and will affect me differently than the process of failing to eat because I’m busy affects me.

During these days when I have been trying to dodge the topic of fasting, I realize that for far too long I have used my children as a very convenient excuse not to fast. One day without food will not compromise my ability to do the work of raising my children. God has given me the foreknowledge that my temper may be short and this is a chance for me to pray instead of eat and to practice patience instead of anger.

Will I fast soon? I think I’ll keep thinking about it but if I do it right no one will ever know.

God’s wisdom be with you all,
Michelle