Words have power. When my husband and I were first married we had a mug that I had received as a gift from a preschool parent. The mug listed 101 ways to give praise. Line after line of primary colored writing covered the mug. I was a tea drinker at that time and every morning my husband, the early riser in our pair, would brew a pot of tea and bring me a mug to start the day. As we didn’t have much kitchenware at the time, I often ended up with this Praise mug. It became a running joke that instead of my saying thank you for the tea I would find a phrase from the mug to use. “Wow, you did a great job making this tea”; “Good work making this tea”; "I’m so proud of how you made this tea”; “Atta boy, you made tea”. You get the idea, it was more than a little tongue in cheek, but delivered with love.
Over the last twenty or so years we have occasionally reverted back to our super positive mug talk when one or the other of us needed a mini pep talk. It is not a natural state for us, but even though we are usually joking when we do this, it works. Hearing positive statements makes the day better or at least the moment. It is easy to complain, gripe and whine. Hearing a steady stream of negative comments, while not ruinous of the day, certainly brings the mood down a few notches. Complaining and griping is highly contagious. One person pauses, the next person needs to match that gripe and raise it one or two complaints. To hear people talk one might think ours is a terrible existence and, generally speaking, the people I know have pretty good lives.
We have a choice each day, each hour. We can spread negative grumbling or we can spread positive spirits. Whether we know it or not our children are absorbing our tone, our attitudes, and our words, processing them and then giving them right back to us. If a child has a sassy, smart aleck retort to a teacher or parent after doling out the appropriate correction and consequences, we as parents have to look to see where that example originated. Sometimes is it TV, sometimes it is a friend, but usually it is home, mom and dad. If it happens frequently, then it is definitely a role model at home. Until they are 11 or 12, the model at home is the parental unit. After 11 and 12 others have more influence, yet all the while we parents still have a pretty substantial impact. The germ of advice is to watch what you say and how you say it. If your child mimics you perfectly, are you ok with how that will sound and how that will affect others? If not, you need to change. Maybe even get a sappy, super positive mug to remind you.
