If I thought I was all alone in this endeavor of raising children I might run away. Raising kids is hard. It takes endurance. Just when I think I have it figured out the rules all change. It is a moving target.
It starts, oh I don’t know, the day a child is born. That day or one very soon thereafter, is the day the awareness that the best laid plans are out the window. All of those self righteous, pious thoughts you had about the right way to raise children dissolve somewhere in the fog of interrupted sleep, inconsolable crying, and mountains of dishes and laundry and on top of that there is a baby to nurture.
I don’t know when the constant crush of decisions and responsibilities abate, but I’m entering my 14th year of motherhood and the end is not in sight. Everyone sleeps through the night now, but the mystery of the right response is still lacking a certain definitive quality. Should I be more involved or should I be less involved. Should I care that I am an unqualified embarrassment or ignore the mortification I am causing by the way I chew and laugh and talk and dress and, probably, breathe.
The comfort is that I am not alone. God has given me friends for each stage of my journey in motherhood. Community is a wonderful thing. The church creates community and there is comfort in that sense of enveloping camaraderie. The women I have known through my life in a spiritual community have had different opinions and different lifestyles and different priorities. Many of us have almost no common ground except motherhood, but we still support each other. We laugh and cry in snippets of conversation about the frustrations of potty training or the unexpected sassy retort from our little angel’s lips.
It is easy to help each other and we need to remember to take the time to do it. New mothers need, not advice as much as, reassurance. You will sleep again for more than an hour or two in a row. Of course withholding a little information is good too. That long sleep may not be for six months.
Admitting mistakes or moments of frustrated anger or the bewildering changes visited upon a household when adolescences takes hold, to other women and seeing their nodding heads and commiserating grins, helps ease the frustration of dealing with those moving targets. We should be thankful that God has given us this support group. We should now step out, not to criticize each other, but to support and laugh and cry together for the sanity it brings. A sane mother is a better mother. Just being heard and knowing that you are not going it alone is a blessing. Sometimes it takes the edge off, in the moment of frustration, to know that tomorrow night when I see my friends at church this is going to be a funny story.
There are plenty of places to get advise but not too many places where you can get encouragement and support. Church is one of them. Develop these gifts of friendship God has given us. Give by listening and receive by honestly sharing; it is for the good of us all.
Blessings,
Michelle
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Lost & Found
As I sat on the floor with eight little children one Sunday, we talked about being lost. Not figuratively or spiritually lost but really lost, the, “I can’t find my Mom," kind of lost. The lesson was one of those lost and found parables, either the coin or the sheep. To my personal relief it seems that every child has been lost at least once. Every single one of them has been lost in Wal-mart. (I was relieved because I have always been embarrassed that I have lost my daughter more than once, only briefly each time, yet I always felt very bad for my lack of diligence in keeping track of her. To compound my guilt, I don’t recall ever losing my son, but I seem to frequently misplace my daughter).
They each had a tale to tell. We heard about being lost in a neighborhood while at a party, being so lost the police had to come, being lost at Busch Gardens, being lost at a campground, being lost at the mall. Listening to the various versions of being lost was enlightening. In the eyes of the children they weren’t lost per se, rather their parents had just wandered off leaving them behind. Not one of them believed they had failed to stay with a parent, but that it was the other way around.
Listening to the six and seven year olds’ versions of finding their parents was equally entertaining. One said he followed his mom’s voice. (I know his mom and that was a good plan.) Another just looked through the racks of clothes until he found Mom. One said he watched the feet. He knew what his mom’s shoes looked like so he looked down until he found her feet. Each of them had a way different from the others. They each searched for Mom, but their methods were not the same. Each found their mom in the end. None of them seemed to consider that in the end they were found, in part, because Mom was looking for them. In their eyes it was a unilateral effort.
We are the same when we lose touch with God. We immediately assume that God has left us and not the other way around. We were just standing right here and God wandered off. Maybe we need to rethink this equation. Equally analogous is the way we find God. Some people “find God” through the love of family or friends, some find God in quiet, some in the sound of music. Just as the children in my class found their moms in a way that fit that child, so our children will find depth of meaning in their spiritual walk in a way that fits that child. As a parent it is easy to say if you get lost this is how you find me. If you don’t see God, this is how it is done. We need to remember each child is different. We can give them some guidelines, some tools but each situation is different and they will use their abilities to find their way. We must trust that God is looking for them and will help in the search until they are again reunited.
Have a good summer and I hope you can keep track of your kids.
Michelle
They each had a tale to tell. We heard about being lost in a neighborhood while at a party, being so lost the police had to come, being lost at Busch Gardens, being lost at a campground, being lost at the mall. Listening to the various versions of being lost was enlightening. In the eyes of the children they weren’t lost per se, rather their parents had just wandered off leaving them behind. Not one of them believed they had failed to stay with a parent, but that it was the other way around.
Listening to the six and seven year olds’ versions of finding their parents was equally entertaining. One said he followed his mom’s voice. (I know his mom and that was a good plan.) Another just looked through the racks of clothes until he found Mom. One said he watched the feet. He knew what his mom’s shoes looked like so he looked down until he found her feet. Each of them had a way different from the others. They each searched for Mom, but their methods were not the same. Each found their mom in the end. None of them seemed to consider that in the end they were found, in part, because Mom was looking for them. In their eyes it was a unilateral effort.
We are the same when we lose touch with God. We immediately assume that God has left us and not the other way around. We were just standing right here and God wandered off. Maybe we need to rethink this equation. Equally analogous is the way we find God. Some people “find God” through the love of family or friends, some find God in quiet, some in the sound of music. Just as the children in my class found their moms in a way that fit that child, so our children will find depth of meaning in their spiritual walk in a way that fits that child. As a parent it is easy to say if you get lost this is how you find me. If you don’t see God, this is how it is done. We need to remember each child is different. We can give them some guidelines, some tools but each situation is different and they will use their abilities to find their way. We must trust that God is looking for them and will help in the search until they are again reunited.
Have a good summer and I hope you can keep track of your kids.
Michelle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)