Family & Youth Blog

Gifts in the New Year

2012-01-09T13:40:00.001-05:00

   The season of Epiphany brings with it the new year. The kings came bearing gifts and the new year comes with unknown gifts as well. It is as good a time as any to reflect on what gifts I can bring to my church and my family this year. I read that if you write down your goals there is a much greater chance of accomplishing your goals. And so I did. Most of my goals are personal, but one I will admit to is that I will try to pay more compliments than I usually do. Now I am not going to fawn over anyone, I don’t think I would know how. I will only pay compliments that are sincere. I have come to realize that often in the rush of daily life I don’t pause to comment on a job well done.

   Everyone appreciates being appreciated. My children do very well at many things. I’ve come to expect a high standard in anything to which they set their hands or minds. Sometimes I forget to be thrilled at their hard work. Most times I feel very satisfied, but don’t mention it. This year I am going to try to be more vocal. I assume they know how proud I am of them, but just in case they missed my nod of approval, I will make the effort to state it to them very clearly.

   When they were little we had a dinner plate we called the “Good Job” plate. The plate had the words “Good Job” printed on it, hence the name. Whenever someone did an extra good job at school, or home, or music lessons they were served dinner on the “Good Job” plate. Whenever someone worked hard on a project, no matter the outcome, they would get the “Good Job” plate. The plate was a sincere acknowledgement of hard work. It was not used every night. It might be pulled out once or twice a month. At dinner that night everyone would hear what deed warranted the “Good Job” plate.

   As the kids have turned into teens the plate has lost some of its wonder. This year I will try to find a replacement for attesting to good deeds done and hard won achievements. Celebrating the accomplishments of life and the milestones of life are worth doing and add joy to the day to day. The bible tells us to give thanks at all times. We have to acknowledge the good things around us in order to give thanks. I think the “good job” plate helped.

   As parents we should all find a way to acknowledge the successes of your children, small or large. Make sincere compliments not made up ones. If you are with your children and involved in their lives you will know what is a big accomplishment for them and what needs to be noticed. We are so often worried with correcting that we might forget to remember the steps forward. God has blessed us with so very much and we need to be thankful of it.

Happy New Year,

Michelle

Christmas

2011-12-28T19:40:00.000-05:00

   The official Christmas season begins at midnight on Christmas Eve and ends with Epiphany on January 6th. Advent, the time to prepare for Christmas, is a whirlwind of activity at All Saints’ Church, starting with the first Wednesday of December when we have the annual children’s St. Nicholas party followed the next Wednesday by the youth group party. Wedged in between is a special Saturday rehearsal for the youth choir the day before they sing at the Lesson and Carols service. Interwoven through these events is the preparation, rehearsal and performance of the Christmas pageant.

   Once the pageant is over and the seven o’clock service wraps up on Christmas Eve, Christmas begins. Christmas Day and the following week are devoted to being with my family; my children, my husband, my extended family. It is a rare opportunity for the family to be together without the pull of work and school, of deadlines and alarm clocks.

   In our family we have a traditional Christmas dinner on the 25th with our family and friends, then on the 28th is Grandpa’s birthday so we have a reason to gather again and over indulge in beef and chocolate (not at the same time). We have a final celebration on New year’s eve or new year’s day where we gather and drink Champagne and nibble at left over cookies.

   There is no substitute for just being together cooking, eating, napping, reading. Spending time being in each other’s presence working and playing side by side builds strong relationships. It is how Jesus built relationships with his disciples. It is how we build our relationships with God, with our spouses, with our children. We are together working at a task together or playing together, interacting not just existing. Listening to each other and responding. Giving love and receiving it, these are the most important gifts of Christmas.

Peace,
Michelle

Unexpected Sources of Blessing

2011-10-31T16:00:00.001-04:00

I usually write about parenting. This time I am writing as a youth minister and a wife and a daughter.

A month ago it was Wednesday morning and youth group loomed near. I had a lesson planned, but I didn’t like it. It seemed random and disconnected.

As I ate breakfast with my husband I asked him, “What should I teach those kids tonight?”

“Teach them something about acknowledging that people older than them might be worthy of a little of their respect, and might know a few things worth knowing. And teach them not to be so self-absorbed,” was his reply.

I suspected this answer did not spring from the depths of spiritual contemplation, but more likely a recent and frustrating conversation with one or the other of our teenagers. I was pretty sure I couldn’t do all of that in 60 minutes. I gave him a noncommittal response. It seemed like a kernel of something, but I wasn’t sure what and, well, I hadn't really expected an anwer.

After my husband left for the office my mother called. She had thirty minutes to kill between two appointments and wondered if she could stop by. Well, I wasn't getting anywhere with a new lesson so I was happy for the distraction.

When Mom arrived she began to tell me about her morning’s work. It was her first visit to a nursing home as a hospice volunteer. She told me stories about chatting with those who were dying. She told me a lot about the training. She mentioned she is going to have to keep up with baseball because several of the gentlemen wanted to discuss the latest games. Just before she left she mentioned that if my youth kids ever had any extra time maybe they could make picture books for her. At the training they had received simple books made from construction paper and yarn. Each page having a nice picture from a magazine or calendar glued on its. The hospice volunteers used these as conversation starters and a pleasant way to pass the time during a visit.

Now to give this some context, many, many people think the teenagers at the church should do various things, usually things no one else would want to do. My mom is not one of those people. In my four years as a youth minister my mother has never suggested that I get the teens to do anything, so for her to suggest an activity was out of the ordinary.

After she left I was praying and then it seemed so clear. I knew somewhere in the Bible it said that families should care for their own widows and the church should care for those who had no families to care for them. On-line bibles are a wonderful thing for busy youth ministers. A quick little word search and I found it in 1 Timothy. I had a lesson.

That evening, I explained a little about hospice, about caring for people at the end of their lives, about our responsibility to our grandparents and old aunties and even our parents. I asked them to consider that sometimes caring for others is not about us at all, but about our duty to others and to God. We read the verses in 1 Timothy 5.

I told them the story of being in the fifth grade and dreading a visit to my grandmother’s house. My mother told me that my grandmother wouldn’t be with us much longer so we had to go. We went that year and every year after that. Nineteen years later, when I was 29 years old and attended that grandmother’s funeral, I was glad that I had visited with her all of those times since my first complaint. Sometimes we do things because it is right, whether we want to or not. Sometimes we are blessed as a result.

I explained what we were going to make. The kids were very quiet, they were very intense and then they dug into the project with sincere enthusiasm. They were seriously concerned about choosing the right pictures for someone who was dying. For a few minutes, they were thinking of someone they didn’t know, would never know and doing their best to care for them with their project. When we wrapped up we had at least 30 different pages for my mom to assemble as books.

They understood the message of caring for the dying, of looking outward at people different in age and experience, rather than inward toward their own peer group. Through my husband’s words and my mother’s hospice ministry God was able to create compassion in our teens which connected them to a different generation if only for a few minutes on a Wednesday night.

I couldn't have asked for more than that. It was a surprising and blessed evening.

Listen for God's voice in places you least expect it.

Michelle

Planting Seeds

2011-08-22T16:35:00.000-04:00

   Planting seeds seems to be a theme that keeps coming up, in newletters and articles I have run across; “As you sow, so shall you reap” and “Some sow the seeds and others gather the harvest .” The words are all around me these days. The idea that I am planting seeds, small thoughts and beliefs that will someday grow into a real and active faith and compassion is what I need to hold onto.

   Working as a children’s minister and a youth minister I often have to remind myself about this concept. The work seems long and the rewards, while not few, they are sporadic. There are evenings when I think I should check my forehead for a lump because I have been banging my head against the wall for so long. When a member of the youth group tells a member of the clergy that she doesn’t think the quote, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is from the bible. When a child mentions after singing “Father Abraham” that he knows who Abraham is; he is on the penny. When, within moments of completing a lesson on the last being first and first being last, there is nearly a fist fight to be the first to get the popcorn. These are the times when I think perhaps the seeds have just caught the wind and never even landed, much less taken root.
   But then there are times when I feel redeemed. I feel like the Spirit of God is really among us. When I couldn’t pull the youth group away from hearing stories and working on jigsaw puzzles with the residents of an assisted living apartment. When nine teenagers volunteered without any coercion to get up an hour early during Mission Week so that they could go out and distribute care packages and sandwiches to the homeless, all before a full day of work in the Florida sun. When a seven year old willingly left her known friends and welcomed a new child into her game during children’s church. Those are the times when I am caught off guard and see something of the love we have been trying to teach them all along.

   The seeds of God’s words and commands to love one another are there. Some are just dormant a little longer than others. Some results we will never see. Some results are for others to harvest not us. All parents, grandparents, Sunday school teachers, youth workers and others who touch the lives of children take heart, keep planting the seeds of love, humility, honor, peace, patience, faith and all of the virtues to which we are called. It is the tiny acts of faith, faith in the seeds we are planting and in God’s hand in bringing them to fruition, from which the faith of a new generation will grow.

Michelle

Summer

2011-06-06T14:01:00.001-04:00

   My favorite day of the year is the last day of school. I love this time of year. Even though my work hours are exactly the same as they were in the fall, winter and spring, it feels different, more relaxed. Perhaps it is that there are no early morning breakfasts, no rush to the bus stop, no evening homework or PTA meetings. There is still required summer reading and math review, yet the pace is less over wrought. My children are home alone and have to learn to be self directed in order to get the assigned housework, yard work and school work done without the parental unit there to negotiate things. Summer is a good time for children to learn some independence.

   At church the pace slows as well. So many children are away at camp or the beach or on vacation that each week Sunday school time is much quieter. To mark the change we have summer Sunday school. All of the elementary age children are together in one big class. It is louder and more chaotic. No one stays in their seats because this is the perfect opportunity for the big fifth and sixth grade students to help the little kindergarten and first grade and students.

   I assign each fifth and sixth grader to a first grader or kindergartener as Bible buddies. The big Bible buddy helps the little Bible buddy find the verse in Proverbs. The big ones do the writing or the stapling that little hands can’t do. Big Bible buddies portion out the snacks and serve them; little Bible buddies collect the empty cups and throw them out. Everyone talks a lot.

   Through the jumble of glue sticks and construction paper is the experience that there are many ways to learn about and feel God’s love. They feel the growth of being the one to help and the glow of having your own personal helper. The children learn to connect to each other without an adult hovering and directing. During the academic year Sunday school is more structured and during the summer it is a different sort of flow, less structure more experiential. It is a good change, at least for awhile.

   The flow of summer will sustain itself for only a short time. The novelty of combining the ages and assigning Bible buddies will wear off as the summer wears on. By the end of summer everyone will be ready for a more focused approach. And that is when my second favorite day of the year arrives, the first day of school.

Have a relaxed and refreshing summer.

Michelle

Easter - Bunny, Eggs and All

2011-04-24T07:55:00.002-04:00

My friend refers to the annual Easter egg hunt and visit from the Easter bunny, that I organize, as the pagan ritual. She may have a point. There are no colored eggs or white rabbits involved in the telling of the resurrection in the gospels. Christian authors and greeting card writers try their best to tie the miracle of Easter to the egg and bunny traditions; it is a stretch.

While other ladies of the church are placing Easter lilies in the sanctuary and changing the altar cloths to white, I am hiding 800 plastic eggs filled with candy and making sure we have enough sidewalk chalk. Last night, Good Friday, as I stood with my hands in a hot, soapy bleach water scrubbing the fake, white fur of the bunny costume, I considered the pagan comment. I wondered if Jesus is displeased with our tradition, is it sacrilegious?

I don’t want to be the one to lead our children astray, but I don’t think the games of the Easter party will hurt them or lead them away from the beauty of the resurrection. Jesus wants us to build community with one another and he didn’t prescribe exactly how or how not to do it. Just being together seems to build community in incremental steps and the egg hunt is one of the many steps in that process.The activity isn’t the point. The point is the love and fellowship we can share at the activity.

Running around grabbing up eggs full of candy does not make a child a pagan any more than putting a cross around their neck makes them a Christian. It is the life we lead and the faith we nurture before, during and after the egg hunt that will lead our children to the fulfillment of following the resurrected Lord. We are fulfilling our duty to our children when we show them the love of Jesus and the peace of a life with him, whether it is at church or home or a party or at dinner around the Easter ham, which I am pretty sure isn’t in the bible either.

Michelle

Lent

2011-03-08T19:15:00.002-05:00

Lent is a time of spiritual reflection and correction. Certainly we should turn away from sin at all times in the year, but Lent gives us the official time to determine our spiritual needs and address them. Some people need to stop doing something and others need to start doing something. It is a time of discipline and it comes around every year.

It seems there are two areas we can work on before God. Jesus tells us to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves. Lent is a perfect time to tackle a little spiritual growth in both areas. Loving God can take on the face of many spiritual practices, prayer, fasting, bible study, bible memorization, daily devotion to name only a few. These disciplines draw us closer to God and we enter into a loving relationship with Him as a result.

Children can be taught the discipline of loving God. Simple spiritual practices can be learned in the six weeks of Lent. If you don’t pray before meals, Lent would be a good time to start. Add a prayer before bed or before school. Lent is a time to learn to acknowledge our sins and repent of them. Children can learn to take responsibility for their sins and to ask for forgiveness. The memorization of simple prayers or scripture is a lovely spiritual discipline for Lent.

Learning to love your neighbor seems a little more difficult. Children need hands on, practical acts of love. Talk is fine, but means very little to children. Children’s stories are not about ideas, they are about events, often events of minuscule importance to adults, but events none the less. Action is what sticks in their minds. Take action with your children. Make a practice of taking the neighbors emptied trash can up to the top of their drive on each trash day of Lent. Plant some rye grass in a little pot at the beginning of Lent and by Easter you will have a bright patch of grass to hide little eggs in and give away as a centerpiece.

Put your child in charge of clearing the dinner plates after each meal as a way to serve the family. Any child over the age of 3 years can do this, but I wouldn’t use the best china. Since a 3 year old can do that, just think of what a 6 or 7 year old can do. Learning to serve the family is the first step in learning to serve all of God’s creation. Expressing thankfulness to others is a starting point. Ask your children to thanks the cafeteria ladies at school each day when they get their lunch. Thank the child or adult who helps them into the car at the after school car line.

Children will learn to love their neighbor only if they see it done by someone important to them. Parents and grandparents must model loving others, thanking others and forgiving others. We need to model loving God’s creation and respecting those we don’t like and don’t agree with if we want our children to do the same.

Explain to your children that it will make them a stronger person to learn to pray and to learn to work hard for others. Then, show them how to pray and how to work hard for others. Walk with them on the path that leads to the celebration of God’s love and hard work for us - Easter.

Peace,
Michelle

Words

2011-01-17T13:56:00.003-05:00

   The idea of words has been in the media in the past week or so. I have given it a lot of thought as well. The Bible is clear that our words have great power and consequences, yet we seem to use them so carelessly. I worry that our children are surrounded by words - on TV, the radio, the computer- that are too dramatic. Flowing through those ear buds is a river of vehement information, sentiment and emotion. It is as if we live in a world flooded with hyperbole. Everything is either the best or the worst; perfect or evil; to be loved or to be hated; to be taken terribly seriously or to be mocked.

   In both Matthew and Luke, Jesus tells us that what we say reflects the condition of our heart. ("Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:36 and Luke 6:45). As parents we need to listen to our children's speech. What children say about themselves and their world can provide insight into their souls. Souls we are shepherding. Their words can be a clue as to the needs of each child, be it to buoy up a sagging soul or to correct a lack of humility, patience or generosity. We need to listen carefully and not just correct the words, but the condition of the heart the words reflect.

   We, as parents, are not excepted from governing our words as well. Cognitive psychology tells us that what people hear profoundly impacts what they feel and their concept of themselves. I think children know intuitively that the words of their parents, teachers and friends reflect the feelings of the speaker's heart. Small words can have an enduring impact on our children. I cringe when I hear, as I do regularly, parents saying negative things about their children in the hearing of the child. I have heard in the last week parents referring to their young child as a monster, a bulldozer, and trouble. (As in, "Here comes trouble.") I hear parents referring to their children as lazy or stubborn and I see the reaction of the children. It is not good.

   Our words should be chosen carefully. Ephesians tells us to use our words to minister grace to the hearer. The gospel of Matthew tells us we will give an account for every idle word. Choose what you say and what you and your children hear carefully; it has an eternal impact.

Peace in the new year,
Michelle

Christmas Day

2010-12-25T23:15:00.000-05:00

Today, Christmas morning dawned and my family was not together. My oldest child is in the hospital with a serious injury. Yesterday, Christmas eve, I shuttled back and forth from the church to the hospital. At three in the afternoon my husband was at the hospital so that front was covered. The pageant was on the horizon. I decided that it would be harder to explain what needed to be done to get the pageant underway than it was to just show up and do it. I rushed home, threw on something red and went to the church for the pageant. Once I was at the church, I felt surrounded by love and support; everyone was so willing to provide assistance. It was a warm, comfortable place to be for a couple hours. The children were excited and happy and the parents were kind. The generosity of my friends and family at the church was a balm to my very worried soul.

It is sometimes hard for me to accept help. Last night I tried to hold tight to my responsibilities, but I realized, once the children were out of their costumes and back with their parents, that I needed to accept the gift my friends had given me, the freedom to go right back to the hospital and sit with my boy. It was a wonderful and generous gift, not many people want to sort and fold costumes, store risers, remove masking tape from the floor, or serve sandwiches on Christmas eve, but that is what my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ did. I don’t know who did most of it, but I thank all of them, known and unknown.

Now that our son is being discharged this afternoon, albeit with many, many restrictions and conditions, I again feel thankful for God’s many blessings on this Christmas day. We will go home and be together and I will now let down my guard and weep and sleep and feel blessed to be physically surrounded by my immediate family and spiritually surrounded by my church family.

Merry Christmas,
Michelle

Advent - Preparing your Children

2010-12-06T19:24:00.001-05:00

Take your children to Sunday school. For 45 minutes each week your children can have a free lesson on the love of God and the history of the our faith tradition. They will play games and paint and glue. They will decorate cookies and make smoothies. They will dig in a sandbox and use more glitter than is necessary. As parents all you have to do is get them up, feed them breakfast and bring them to church. (You have to feed them breakfast no matter if you come to church or not so really it just means getting going on Sunday morning.) There are classes for adults, but if no adult classes catch your eye there is coffee and the newspaper.

Here at our church we now have Starbucks coffee, with all of the fixings - sugar, sweeteners, half and half, skim milk and flavorings. There are comfortable chairs in a lovely alcove just outside the children’s area where a parent can alight to relax or talk with other parents while their children are inside learning about the love of God. Soon we will have several Sunday papers to read as well.

Some children and teens come to Sunday school nearly every week. They don’t want to come every week, but their parents bring them anyway. It isn’t a child’s decision. It is a parent’s decision. Whether a child is raised attending church and Sunday school is the responsibility of the parents, like vitamins and potty training, not appreciated by the child at the time, but important none the less.

Parents should not abdicate their responsibility to whining, complaining children or sleepy, insolent teenagers. Teenagers are legendary for making bad choices and ill considered decisions. Don’t leave it up to them to go or not to go. Parents often make children do things they don’t want to do, learn to swim, bath, eat vegetables, do homework. Sunday school isn’t as bad as any of those things. Once they get there they will have fun most of the time and probably get some kind of unhealthy snack. They need to go to church and Sunday school. They need to learn the stories both old testament and new. They need to meet and know the people of their church, to be part of the church community.

I have a nephew whose parents have never taken him to church. His parents never had to argue about getting up on Sunday morning, about what is and is not acceptable to wear to church. They never had to hiss between their teeth dire warnings in an attempt to curb misbehavior during the service. They never had to tell him he could not spend the night at a friends house on Saturday night because there was church in the morning. Now he voices to his parents, in the presence of his grandparents, his disappointment that his parents never took him to church. The lesson here is that as a parent there is no winning the admiration of your teenagers in this regard; either they are mad because you made them go to church or they are mad because you didn’t make them go to church. If they are going to be mad either way then err on the side of them learning the golden rule and the Ten Commandments. Take them to church and Sunday school, start this advent and Christmas season. It’s a thankless job, but that’s part and parcel of being a parent.

Peace to all this season of preparation,
Michelle

Change

2010-11-02T10:39:00.001-04:00

   We are about to embark on some big changes at our church, an old building torn down and the remaining building in some disarray from the construction process of a new building. Change is a strange dichotomy with children. They are constantly changing, yet when they see things around them change, it is disconcerting to them. As a parent and an adult, watching children change is shocking some how. I feel just the same, well a little more tired, but essentially the same and yet time must have moved on because the babies I remember being baptized, walked forward today for their first holy communion. How in the course of such a short time can that baby be old enough for first holy communion? How can, “Wow, you lost your first tooth” change to, “Wow, you received your first diploma” so fast?

   That is what happens whether we like it or not, everything changes. It seems to be our nature to want everything around us to stay unchanged. I am reminded of the account of the transfiguration in Luke 9. The disciples response was to stay right there with Jesus, Moses and Elijah forever, not to change a thing. God didn’t allow it; they had to return to life and the changes that come with it.

   Children sometimes become anxious when things that once were “always that way” are moved and shifted. They want the same routine, the same room, the same teacher, the same snack. We tend to think only the littlest ones need these routines, but our teens seem to need it more than any others. Perhaps it is because their personal lives are in a season of many changes, that they are particularly vulnerable to anxiety regarding change. While they feel the same on the inside, they are in the midst of a lot of changes on the outside of their lives. They are faced with changing schools every three or four years, driving, working, finding colleges and living away from the people they have always lived with, starting what they consider their real life. It’s a lot to juggle.

   We need to be sensitive to leaving a few things anchored. We need to remind them as our church buildings change that a church is not a building, a church is the people who make up the community inside the building. We, the adults, are all still here in the building making the same snacks, playing the same games and praying the same prayers for them and for everyone. God’s love for them is unchanging. This is still our church on the inside, it’s just the outside that is changing. Assure them that during the beginning, middle and end of all changes God is with us, a steadfast presence.

Sunday School

2010-09-06T19:55:00.000-04:00

As I cleaned out closets in preparation for the fumigation of the church, I happened upon bits and pieces of many of the lessons I have concocted over the past 3 years. There is the fruit of the spirit jigsaw puzzle, the body of Christ bingo, the services to others cootie catchers and the Noah’s ark matching game. I can’t help but wonder how much of it made any sense to the children. How much did they retain? Has all of this play dough and finger paint tethered any of the bibles stories into their hearts? Has any one of them been nicer to a strangers after reenacting the parable of the good Samaritan with stuffed animals and band aids? (Which, by the way, is not a good idea as the band aids do not come off that fake fur, ever.)

It’s hard to know if anything during the hour or so a week that children are at church makes much of an impact. This is not like a science fair experiment; we can’t control for variables. Overall, knowing what affects a child in a positive way is difficult to discern. There are some sweeping generalizations when it comes to forming children. Children who are read to every night usually do much better academically than those who are not. Children who get enough sleep and watch very little TV are in better physical and emotional shape than those children who stay up late watching TV. When it comes to the spiritual impact of making the Jordan River out of blue frosting, there is very little information and fewer conclusions.

The truth is that no one knows what coming to Sunday school does for a child. It doesn’t seem to hurt. I know that it is not the cure all for kids who have gone astray. The best a parent can hope for is that Sunday school is a supporting role in the process of raising a child. Sunday school will affirm what the children are already hearing at home. Parents are the key to the core spiritual growth of a child. Bringing a child to church regularly will, hopefully, result in him knowing a few bible stories and looking back on church as a safe and comforting place to be. In Sunday school we build on the teaching children hear at home; we are not a substitute for home. The difference is that we get to do it with lots of glitter and glue.

God’s peace,
Michelle

The Season of Pentecost

2010-05-24T07:58:00.001-04:00

   The season of Pentecost is the celebration of the beginning of the church as a body. In the second chapter of Acts they spoke in many different languages to further the kingdom of God. A very simple lesson for the church of today and for our children is that there are many ways to teach of the love of Christ and many ways to hear the love of Christ.

   Within any group there are a diverse set of talents. Anyone who believes that their talent is superior is sorely mistaken. Some teach through words, some through service and all through the way we live our lives. We must teach our children that all talents are valuable within the church and life, that the church is not an institution of religion, but the people who come together for the glory of God. Too often we underestimate the need for compassion in favor of the more showy gifts.

    Each child will have a unique offering to God and to the church. Some can speak publicly; some can sing; some are never in front of a crowd but serve with gracious compassion, some with gentle courteousness. Church is not a scheduled performance with the big acts getting more prominence. It is about building a family of God person by person, reaching each person and each child with the language that best suits them. Listen to the many voices, watch the many servants and admire the lives of those who model Christ. Share all of this with your children lest they be distracted by the showy parts. Day in and day out encourage your children to see, while reminding yourself, that each one of us is an instrument of the Holy Spirit as along as we make ourselves available to move forward for Christ.

Have an enriching Pentecost,
Michelle

Easter

2010-04-03T12:30:00.001-04:00

   The Easter egg hunt and children's party will begin in two hours. I have been here at the park since 6 a.m. to reserve the pavilions and tables. Claire and I arrived at the park in the darkness of early morning. We shuttled the first few loads of eggs, candy, balls and jump ropes to the tables in the dark. Within a few minutes there was a hint of light on the fog covering the soccer fields. When we turned around from filling the last few eggs with candy, the sky was streaked with pink and silver. Then, suddenly, it was daylight. The darkness seemed complete when we arrived and then it was gone and the day was completely here.

   Easter comes to me this way as well. The somberness of Lent goes on and on. There is a hint of Easter at Palm Sunday, but there is a long week of obligations ahead. Then I am startled to find that Easter is here with the glory of a resurrected savior and the hope of new beginnings.

   All of life changes just as fast as the church season and the breaking dawn. No day is just like the one before. The child who was a little afraid of going into the trees to hunt for the eggs several years ago, sits beside me in the first light this morning, a young woman who was up without complaint, in the five a.m. hour, dressed and loading the van to help. It is futile to grasp at the way things have always been done, even if that "always" was just last year or last month or last week. We can't stop the daylight from spreading across the sky. We can't stop the children from growing. We can't stop the movement of the Holy Spirit. We shouldn't try. The Lord knows what is best for us. We have to listen to his voice and move along that path. There is no standing still. Easter is about change and it is this change we should embrace.

Happy Easter Season,

Michelle

Season of Lent

2010-02-17T08:19:00.003-05:00

Today is the first day of Lent, a season of repentance and self-reflection. I recently read an article entitled something like "Learning Lesson from Those You Hate." That is not actually the title, but it was along those lines. The truth is, I scanned it more than read it. I was busy and distracted and people were bothering me. The gist of the article was that those everyday interruptions that cause you to become irritated, the people who pull in front of you in traffic and then drive slowly, the people who leave a message saying they called, but not a clue about why they called, the newspaper delivery person who every, single day throws the newspaper into the shrubs requiring a stick to retrieve it, from each of these we can learn about ourselves. Once we have learned about ourselves, we can improve ourselves. Improving not for the betterment of ourselves, but for the betterment of the kingdom of God, so that we can better do the work we were sent to do.

When faced with these irritants delivered by others, it is our first reaction to bolster our own position. To place the blame for our anger, frustration or boredom squarely on the shoulders of that other guy, the one that is the cause. I didn't throw that newspaper, after all. To learn from my reactions, I think I have to ask myself why am I letting this upset me. We are exhorted by scripture over and over to be at peace, to not become angry, and yet I do. The newspaper delivery person is long gone. Muttering under my breath is not going to benefit him or her or me so why am I doing it? What sin in me, causes me to not look charitable toward this person? Is there some part of me I see in this person that causes me to overreact, to cover my tracks? There is nothing so irritating as to see our own faults in others. Often the cause of our reaction is right there under the surface, we need only ask, "Why am I doing this?" or,"Lord, do you know why I am doing this?"

So why does the newspaper in the bushes bug me so much? What pops to mind is that I wish he or she would be more focused on putting it in the right place so I wouldn't have to go on a search and rescue mission each morning. I would call the paper right now and complain, but I'm not sure where I put my cell phone. Irony or insight? It couldn't be that obvious, could it?

It is easiest to disregard that first thing that pops into your mind as ridiculous, because it is so much more satisfying to blame the other person and relish our self-righteous anger. I am fairly sure that is not what we should do when a still, small voice whispers through our heads and hearts. To have the peace that passes understanding we need to seek the help of God in taking each occasion to exam our lives and take full responsibility for our actions and reactions. Shifting the blame will not lead us down the path of righteousness. As a Lenten goal, self examination of daily irritations is harder than giving up candy. I don't relish the idea of having my shortcomings pointed out by God or anyone else. It is one of the steps in the path forward. No one promised an easy Lent.

May your days increase in peacefulness,
Michelle

Epiphany

2010-01-06T06:54:00.002-05:00

By the time Epiphany arrives the three wise men in my nativity set have marched themselves right into their Rubbermaid bin and away to storage. Despite their long journey ending in the attic, I have not forgotten the kings and on the 6th of January I think of the Feast of Epiphany with fondness.

When I was a very little girl the ladies of our church, St. Gabriel’s, held an Epiphany Tea. It was a mother daughter affair with the silver and the crystal and the fancy little sugar cubes. When the ornate cake was cut, all of the daughters hoped to get a piece with a gift inside. Baked within the cake were small ornaments. Each had a special duty attached. Whoever found the ring in their cake was responsible for the decorations the next year. If you found the baby Jesus, you were in charge of procuring the cake. There were several more ornaments to be found each with a responsibility for the next year’s tea.

As children, we daughters wanted to find an ornament, a gift. Mothers dreaded finding a gift. They appreciated the responsibilities attached to the gift. As a seven year old it was just a pretty novelty. As a mom it was one more thing to do just after Christmas. Despite their feigned protests when a daughter wanted a second piece of cake, it seems that the mothers good naturedly accepted that the result of coming to the tea might be added responsibilities the next year.

The best gifts come with the most responsibilities. A good marriage is a gift. Children are a gift. Neither come without responsibilities. The gift of children comes with hard choices and sacrificial love. Seldom do children appreciate the, often unpopular, decisions parents make on their behalf. In all relationships worth having, the good is paired with the difficult. We grit our teeth and do what needs to be done. Sometimes the reward is immediately evident. Sometimes it is a matter of faith. We continue with difficulty because, paradoxically, in the difficult often the most joy is found. It’s a mystery in the category with the last being first, and it being better to give than to receive; a mystery as strange as three kings following a star to worshiping a child of humble birth.

Happy Epiphany,

Michelle

Twelve Days of Christmas

2009-12-25T19:20:00.003-05:00

Last night the elementary age children of the church performed the Christmas pageant. It is a simple telling of the Christmas story without many frills. There are costumes and a few simple props. There are preschool sheep and first and second grade shepherds. This year all of the girls wanted to be angels and so they were, resulting in a true multitude of heavenly hosts. We had three prophets, three innkeepers, and three wise men who arrived perfectly on cue. Mary had a real baby to hold and Joseph was at her side just observing all the fuss.

Like many things about Christmas, a simple pageant is never simple. There were parents and teenagers crouching behind the organ, in the choir loft, behind the entrances and just beyond the piano to help with wings and calm nervous performers, to help with lines and to gently encourage little ones to go out front and smile. This years' influx of angels required the last minute sewing of ten angel costumes. The halos from years past kept breaking so an alternative had to be found. An innkeeper insisted at rehearsal that he would need to hold the mic like Elvis. Ceasar August wouldn't wear his crown because it looked like a girl crown to him. Mary's sudden onset of a cold required a heavy dose of over the counter medication. One wiseman had the flu so a townsperson, after delivering his line, slipped out the back and around the side, changed into a fancy cape and hat and was transformed into the third wiseman, without ever rehearsing it. A simple telling of the Christmas story, but not a simple few day, few hours in the approach to it.

In this general state of loosely controlled chaos, it is easy to forget the point. The point is not to have the best show ever. I'll leave that to Broadway and Hollywood. The point is to teach the children, through active participation, the story of Christ's birth. Each year one shepherd responds to the line,"What can we bring him?" with the line ,"Brothers we can give him our faith." Each year as I hear a little child's voice say that line, I am reminded that faith in Christ is the point. Despite all of the distractions and chores that lead up to Christmas, the point is not the accomplishment of that work, but faith in Christ.

As the evening of the 25th is now coming to a close and the pageant has been performed, the gifts unwrapped, the beef roasted, carved and eaten with family and friends and it seems as if Christmas is coming to an end, the Christmas season has just begun. Luckily for us Christmas is not over on the 25th of December, but it begins that day. When the maelstrom of shopping and cooking and gatherings subsides the church season is beginning. While the rest of the world is moving on we still have eleven more days to remember and reflect on Christmas. We can take this time to remember that faith in Christ is the point and rest in the peace we find in Christ's love for us.

Merry Christmas,
Michelle

Advent - From Darkness to Light

2009-11-30T06:40:00.004-05:00

Advent is a season of moving slowly from darkness into light. Each week a new candle on the Advent wreath is lit and a bit more light is shed. If the church were dark and the Advent wreath the only light, the effect would be that, week by week, we would see more and more of the church. The darkness would recede in stages to reveal the church as it is, for better or for worse.

It is an apt metaphor for the Christian walk. Slowly, in a process that can not be rushed, the nature of Christ is revealed throughout our lives. As we embrace the love of Christ more and more we see who we are, for better and for worse.

It is also a metaphor for church life. The longer you stay, the more you see of a church, for better or for worse. The church is made up of fallible people. People can create knots of contention and throw well aimed spears of rancor, but, likewise, people can create a nest of comfort for the wounded and protection to the weak in spirit. Amazingly, we can do it all at the same time. Our hope and prayer is that the better parts increase and the worse parts decrease.

Just as the light of Christ shines brighter and brighter as time moves forward in each individual life, so then the light of Christ will shine brighter in the aggregate of Christians that is the church. It is not magic. It may be mystical. It is definitely work. We each do not become a beacon of light by wishful thinking, though certainly thinking on those things which are good and holy is extolled in scripture. We do not incrementally increase the light of Christ in the world by being the best read or studying the most though those things add to the conviction and assurance of the the correct path. We increase the light of Christ through our actions and our words. We can pray for forgiveness. We must also forgive. We can seek to see Christ more clearly and in so doing we may be shown the weakest and least desirable in society.

The children of the church are not any more or less a part of this process. Children need to be included in the process. We need to take their hands and lead them through the ups and downs of the church and the Christian life. They need our guidance and honesty. Share the truth of Christ's enduring and patient love with your children. Acknowledge errors and hypocrisy and act to correct them so that our children will be the next step in creating a church full of light. Humility is instrumental in the movement from dark to light. The church is not perfect as no place made up of humans is perfect. The life of a church is a path, often a winding one. The life of a Christian is a path, often a winding one. While it might start with the sudden and abrupt recognition of the light, with patience and humility and steadfastness the light will increase. This advent season let us look for the next candle to shine on our path for us and for our children.

Enjoy this season of moving from the dark into the light,

Michelle

Step by Step by Step

2009-11-01T12:24:00.001-05:00

Taking small steps on the way to accomplishing a goal is so boring. Dramatic changes are more satisfying, at the moment. Dramatic changes are just more interesting. Incremental changes are tedious. Making little sustained changes is difficult.

Big things happen through a myriad of little steps. The money guru, Dave Ramsey, has made a career of telling people to take baby steps in correcting their financial problems. He lays them all out step by step by step. You can’t read his book and have a quick fix by morning, but you can have a fix. It will just take a lot of time and discipline and self sacrifice.

Noah built the ark, Moses led the Israelites, Jesus built the kingdom, not through a flurry of dramatic lightening bolts, but through small steps. Board after board after board, step after step after step, person by person by person, they slowly moved to the goal that was set for them. It is not the stuff of a Hollywood movie. Forty years is a long time to wander the desert. Frustration and disillusionment were companions of these slow changes.

Recently, I participated in a week of self awareness. Through different activities suggested by an online group, I examined the impact my life has, day in and day out, on the planet. I looked at how much trash I create and how much energy I use, among other things. I was surprised by the result. I have a tendency to try to tread lightly on the earth. It comes less from a geo-political agenda and more from being raised with the practical values of a midwest farmer’s daughter and an eagle scout camper.

“Always leave a place cleaner than you found it,” was a cardinal tenet in my formative years. Tidy up the public restroom, pick up litter, take out any trash you bring into the wilderness and pick up someone else’s to add to yours on the way out. We are all responsible for doing our part and a little bit more. Leave everything better than you found it.

So I kept track of all of the trash I generated in one day. I didn’t just think about it; I kept it aside for the day so that I could see it all in the end. I saw all of the bits and pieces of paper and plastic that couldn’t be composted and the pieces that couldn’t or wouldn’t be recycled. I was surprised. I knew my first way to skip creating trash was to use a mug for my coffee at work rather than a styrofoam cup, but then I added sugar to my coffee and was left with two little empty packets and a tiny plastic stirrer. During the course of the morning I ate two, ok three, bite sized candy bars and was left with the wrappers. The list went on bit by bit, piece by piece. What I thought was treading lightly was not. I built a little stock pile of trash and most of it was created because it was convenient to the moment.

It is so tempting to think of it as no big deal. It was only two fists full, or maybe a shoebox full of trash. Truthfully, it would have been more if I hadn’t been keeping track which made me more conscientious. While little steps can be the answer to big problems, little steps in the wrong direction can be the cause of big problems. A little bag of trash a day for one person, on one day is not a big deal; a bag of trash a day for eighty years for 300 million people is more of a problem. One unkind statement from a parent can be no big deal; a childhood full of insults is a problem. All of the little pieces add up to something significant.

It so boring, day in and day out, to do the right thing, to make the sacrifice and effort to stop being such a glutton with resources, to stop indulging bad habits. Gluttony is not a popular concept to talk about. It’s popular to practice gluttony, but not so popular to tag it as such. I’ve noticed that people will go to greater lengths to justify their gluttony than they will to correct it. People go to greater lengths to justify all types of unkind, inconsiderate and selfish habits than to correct them. To correct it would take baby steps and those are inconvenient and boring. Those steps require self denial and sacrifice. While we like to tell other people that is what they should do, it’s a bummer to have to practice it ourselves. It’s the whole speck in my brothers eye while there is a plank in my own situation. (If any one of us thinks we don’t suffer from some form of gluttony and self indulgence at the sacrifice of others, then we are suffering from the further sin of arrogance.)

Spiritual growth is incremental. Relationship growth is incremental. Raising children is incremental. Reducing the growth of landfills is incremental. Just about anything worth doing is best done step by sacrificial step. Step by step by step we can make changes in the right direction. Taking the long view is the wiser course, but, boy, is it the harder one.

Peace,
Michelle

We All Need a Little Help

2009-09-01T10:49:00.003-04:00

I am a person who should own a GPS. It's not that I travel much, but when I do I am confident that I know how to get wherever I am going, even if I don't know how to get there. It is not at all logical. I just think I can do it based on instinct and a sole, good experience.

When I was in college my friend Charlotte and I drove to Virgina. On the way we detoured to see a mural in Columbia, South Carolina. Charlotte was an art major. She had seen this mural in an art catalogue and deemed it necessary to further our well rounded education. We called the artist; he gave us directions; we found it. Fast forward about 6 years, my husband and I were traveling to Tennessee and as we approached Columbia I decided he should see this mural. Through memories I didn't know I had, I directed him from the interstate to the mural in downtown Columbia. We only had to back track one block before we found it. I was very pleased with my sense of direction.

Since that one brilliant day of navigation, part of me believes I am the next Marco Polo, but I'm not. The truth is, I can't find the exit at the mall. I have to rely on my children to get through the department stores and back to the right parking lot. Though I feel confident, I still need some help navigating. I can get to the general vicinity of diocesan offices in Orlando, but not exactly to the building.

As I was wandering around downtown Orlando a few months ago, I was reminded that having asked for directions might have been a good idea. Consulting a map, if I had one with me, might have helped. Calling my brother, who lives in Orlando, would have been a good option if my cell phone was not in Lakeland with my son. A GPS would have been great. Last week when I went to Orlando, I had directions from google map. It helped, a lot. Slowly I'm learning.

This is a lot like raising children. If you think you know it all, you are going to miss the mark. Raising children requires more than a parent's instincts. Instincts help get you in the general area, but sometimes you need more information. Friends, family members, the support of the church and prayer should inform all of us in the decisions we make in raising kids. Gathering all of that information together, sifting through it and then deciding on the right path is the work of making good decisions for a family. There is no GPS of childcare, but there are books, teachings and supportive networks to help us discover the best path. It takes some work and the humility to admit we can't do it all by instinct.

Consider the path you are taking to raise your children. Don't wing it. Invest time, prayer and thoughtfulness in your decisions. Once that foundation is laid you can trust your instincts to carry you further.

Blessings,
Michelle

Reality is Messy

2009-05-30T16:53:00.003-04:00

We adopted a puppy. If you have never adopted a puppy then that last sentence invoked thoughts of puppies as seen on Hallmark cards and dog food commercials. If you have adopted a puppy then you are now having flashes of overturned trash cans, chewed up everything, toilet paper dragged throughout the house and whining to go in and whining to go out and whining to go in. There is the idea of a puppy and then there is the reality of a puppy. If you haven't had a puppy, you love it, in your mind's eye, immediately because it is a puppy. If you have had a puppy you know you end up loving it despite it being a puppy.

Having a child and having a pet are not the same thing however, there are some similarities. The idea of a baby is all softness and beatific smiles. The reality of a baby is a lot of hard, thankless work. Puppies turn into sedate dogs in a year or so, or so I have heard. A baby is just the beginning of a long, twisting journey. A journey that just when you think you have gotten the hang of it makes a ninety degree turn requiring you to figure it out again. Diapers turn into training pants and training pants turn into big boy pants and big boy pants turn into $90 jeans. (Thankfully, at that point you can decline.)

Our journey as a parent is not so different from our spiritual journey. We figure one step out just in time to take another step, quite possibly in a different direction. Just as it wouldn't be wise to treat your teenager like a baby. No sippy cups in middle school. It isn't reasonable to expect your life in Christ to contiue in the same rut. Jesus often tipped the tables in the temple, metaphorically, with his followers. Don't seek wealth for wealth's sake. Care for the weak. Break the rules if it means comforting those in need of comfort. This is not the stuff of predicability.

Those who think they can have a puppy like the one in the Hallmark card, or keep a child always in his bouncy seat or force Jesus into a perfectly understood and predictable box are in for a surprise. That imagined tidiness isn't real. The tiring, frustrating, messy endeavors are the real ones. The reward for a real puppy is a loyal, if irritating, friend. The reward for a child allowed to grow and change is a family of strong individuals (I'm hoping). The reward for an ever changing spiritual adventure is a deeper walk with Christ.

Embrace the hard work of life and the changes that are coming just around the corner. They enrich our souls even if it doesn't feel like at the time.

Still, think twice before getting puppy,

Michelle

Humility is Hard

2009-04-09T10:56:00.001-04:00

Teaching children humility is possibly the trickiest part of raising a child in the likeness of Christ. This week being Holy Week we are barraged by many images of a humble Christ. He is degraded, mocked left to die by those who had followed, benefited from and sworn allegiance to him. In the depths of this his sacrifice is real and love continuous. He is not found reminding the disciples of his miracles he is not found reminding the people of the feeding of their bodies and souls on the edge of the Sea of Galilee instead he humbly takes on the ultimate sacrifice without speeches or fanfare. Only a few are left at his feet when on Good Friday he takes his last breath on the cross. That is humility.

While many of the virtues we, as Christians, try to instill in our children have a common touchstone with the virtues taught by every good kindergarten teacher, humility is different. Those who choose to be outside the faith of Christ teach their children not to steal, not to lie, not to hurt other people, just as we do. Humility does not fall into that same category, at least not in America. Humility is vastly different.

In America, and perhaps everywhere, self promotion is the key. Minimize your faults and maximize your accomplishments. There is an old Country and Western song with the refrain, “It's hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way.” It makes me laugh when I think of it, but it's not so funny when you see such arrogance at work. It's everywhere. It's at home, it's at school and it's in the church. Who knows the most, who does the most, who has the most, who works hardest or longest or says “yes” the most often. None of these things are the down fall of humility. It's good to be good at something. It's the self-congratulatory stance, making sure someone knows “inadvertently” or blatantly of our virtuous acts, that undercuts humility. The problem is not in working hard, I think hard work is good for everyone. The problem is dwelling on the work and wallowing in the praise, all the while forgetting our sins, forgetting the many gifts we have been given quite undeservedly.

No matter how great you are, you pale in comparison to Christ. No matter how great you are, if you focus on your abilities and accomplishments you are directing the praise to yourself and not to Christ. Further, you are failing to serve others in humility as Christ directs. If you are busy thinking of your greatness, you might just pass the man on the road to Jericho and fail to stop and help.

Lecturing children on humility won't work. Modeling humility is the only chance. Teaching children that they are not the only people in the universe, that their feelings are not the only feelings that count, that their moment to moment comfort is not the focus, teaching them to serve others without the need for a payback or notice or thanks, that is a start. If we look very hard and I mean very hard, we as parents can find some examples of people who work hard and don't demand admiration or thanks or even notice. Humility goes hand in hand with thankfulness, thankfulness for the work, care and love of others. Thankfulness for the many gifts given to us will further move us on the path of humility. If we can open our eyes and and then lead our children to open their eyes to the few remaining humble servants in our world, we can set them on their way. They aren't going to learn it by watching TV, or hanging out with their friends or in school. It is up to us. Talk about it. Point it out when you see it. Model it. Pray for it.

Have happy and humble Easter,
Michelle

Lent

2009-02-24T15:18:00.005-05:00

We are all so busy. It seems like it is a contest to see who is the busiest. We work and we clean and we cook. We feed the dog and the cats and the hamster and the chickens and the kids, hopefully not in that order. We volunteer and we go to church, school conferences, theater practice, 4-H, piano lessons, cello lessons, french horn lessons, science fair, history fair, e-team, math counts, acolyte, AV helper, youth group, kids' club and youth ensemble. Next week we start it all again, most of it the same, some of it different, but it all adds up to a lot. Some people have two jobs, some work three. Some go to school and work and volunteer and do all of the rest. We as a culture just can't say, "Stop". Our self image, our sense of importance is wrapped up in being busy. People are impressed if we are really, really busy. People talk about how busy they are, how much they get done, as if there is a big tally sheet in the sky with a running total for all to see and compete.

Lent is a time to say, "Stop". Being so busy, even if it is helping our kids and spouse, if we really exam it, is about us. We are the hero in our own movie. The movie called SuperMom or SuperDad or Superprovider or whatever we are trying to prove. We can't stop everything, but we can slow down. There are things in our lives that are big time-wasters. Watching television, surfing the internet, talking on the phone, shopping just for stuff. If we eliminate some of those, or a few of those, or one of those, we might have time for something more important.

Sure we need to shop for food, but what if we fasted from Wal-Mart and Target for Lent. What if we made ourselves slow down enough to read to our children every single night of Lent. (Reading aloud to children until they are about 10 years old is the single most important thing a parent can do to improve a child's academic success. Fancy videos and computer games can not give your children what reading aloud can, time with you.) There are great books for reading out loud, books the whole family will like. (The teens will roll their eyes but they can't help it. It's a teen condition. Just keep reading. They like it too.) What if everyone sat together to eat with the TV turned off, a couple times a week. It doesn't have to be a Norman Rockwell dinner. Grilled cheese together is better than Osso Buco with the family dispersed.

Lent is traditionally a time to simplify life, to make sacrifices and to take on a beneficial habit. Being with your children has to fall into that category; give up CSI Criminal Intent, take on an out loud reading of Charlotte's Web. They won't be little long. There will be time later to be super human. When your children are little and at home that is the time to be a mere mortal and to be proud that you have the time to read, to snuggle, to listen to long, long stories which have no point. You won't win the "I am the Busiest Person on the Planet" award, but you and your children will be the better for it. Everyone else will be too busy boasting about at their own score to even notice.

We are to love our children as God, the father, loves us, with sacrificial love. We, as parents, may have to give up our image of ourselves as doers in order to provide the love and care our children need and want. After all, I don't think God ever said," I'm busy running the universe here, I don't really have time for you right now." We don't want to send that message to our kids.

Have a simple Lent,

Michelle

Jesus and the Super Bowl

2009-02-01T00:01:00.002-05:00

It is Super Bowl Sunday. In a few hours I will be hosting a Super Bowl party even though I didn't know that the cardinals were from Arizona until today. (For some reason I thought they were from St. Louis. Wrong sport, evidently). The party I am hosting is for the youth group. I expect thirty teenagers to arrive a little before six and not leave until some time around ten. That's a lot of football.

Since I don't care one bit about the outcome of the game; I can't name one single player; and when I was buying decorations, I had to go with generic football green because I don't even know the team colors, one might ask, "Why host a party"? Why not , say, go to the library instead, maybe do some laundry, prepare my taxes, anything more interesting than watching five hours of football. The simple answer is, I was pretty much told to have the party. When i mentioned it to the kids they were excited. Evidently, it is a youth group tradition.

I am having the party because the kids love it. More kids will come to this event than any other this year, aside from a lock-in. Where is Jesus in this event? We will pray before we eat, but only a third, at best, will be paying attention. There will not be any exegesis on the bible nor will there be an evangelism message at half time. (We are doing youth group stupid human tricks at half time. One girl can make her tongue look like a "W", another can twist her arm around like a broken Barbie and I'm sure we will have the Nazi muffin joke ...again, but we laugh at it every time).

What there will be is another step toward community. There will be a step toward kindness and friendship. A step towards acceptance. Jesus didn't just preach to his disciples. He was with them day and night for three years. There isn't a substitute for time spent together. It builds a bond of trust. Incrementally, the kids learn to trust the people who care enough to spend time with them, doing the things that kids want to do, listening to jokes, eating hot dogs and chips, hanging out and watching lousy football.

So I will watch the game and eat the junk food and laugh at the silly jokes not because I love football, not because I even like football, but because I love the kids and it's good to hang out with them.

Go team!

Michelle

The Eternal Quest

2009-01-01T17:14:00.003-05:00

Our family turned a corner this year. We bought a television. After eighteen and half years of marriage, my husband and I made our first television purchase. Don't get me wrong, we've owned televisions, but they were always hand me down TV's. Every few years, friends or family members, who thought that an out dated television was better than no television, would show up with a freebie TV for us. We bought a DVD player and signed up for Netflix. We then, on occasion, watched a movie. We even went so far as to buy an antenna resulting in, count them, five channels. Our children were quick to remind us that two of those five channels were public television, so they barely even counted as television. To add to this change, for the first time ever we now have cable. Now our world is open to 7 million channels or something like that. It's dizzying.

Friends, who have known us for years and years, mock our general ineptitude with a remote control. Last night, on New Year's Eve, we missed the ball dropping in Times' Square because I couldn't figure out how to get out of DVD mode and into cable TV mode swiftly enough. I am stunned at how irritating commercial interruptions are, not to mention, how long they are. I've started having a book handy, so I can read during the 5 and 7 minute commercial breaks. All of the great riches of entertainment that I secretly believed I was missing all those years seem to not really exist. I mean I have 7 billion channels and more often than not there is nothing I want to see. I have heard other people say this, of course, but I didn't believe them.

Isn't that just like me. I think I know what I want, but, it turns out, that wasn't really what I wanted at all. It seems to be engineered into us, to want what we don't have, to strive for what we don't need and when we attain that thing, to be surprised that it doesn't fill the need we feel we have. Philosophers and theologians have decried for centuries that the need in each of us can be filled with an honest connection with the creator of all things, but, being who we are, we have to try a few other things first . We have to be certain those easier things wont work as well at filling the need within our souls. At last, we turn from the material to the eternal, from the easy path to the more difficult path. A path that is a long journey rather than a quick fix.

So this new year, I will continue to try to travel the road less traveled. I will still take a few detours here and there; I know that much about myself. One of them will most certainly be staring at a television with an amazingly clear picture and 7 trillion channels. You never know something great might just come on, but when it doesn't perhaps I will remember where I should be looking.

Peace in the New Year,

Michelle

A Quieter Christmas?

2008-12-02T11:06:00.004-05:00

Slowing down is not heralded in our society. I suppose there are places, somewhere in the world, where being quiet and calm is greeted with approval, but I haven't lived in that world. As parents, we rush. We rush ourselves and our children; we rush to work and school and ballet and baseball and all of the places in between. Rushing leads to short tempers, and short tempers lead to harsh words and then someone ends up crying. The irony of screeching at my children, that if they don't hurry up we will be late to church, has not escaped me. I am taking them to church to learn to be charitable, loving, kind and patient, but on the way I am being impatient, wrathful and unkind. Slowing down is the answer, but the path to slowing down is difficult.

To slow down we have to let things go, a whole lot of things. To slow down to a child's pace there needs to be extra time at every juncture. There are some events we can't orchestrate, but there are many we can. The path to slowing down starts with saying,"No." Saying, "no" to things to which we have never considered saying, "no".

Christmas time is the worst time of year for the problems of the big rush. The kids are involved in everything. There are Christmas parties, pageants, outings; the gifts need to be purchased and wrapped and mailed and there are all of the traditions that have to be upheld. Does it all need doing? It doesn't, it really, really doesn't, despite what the TV and your family and the church and school all say. All of that business, no matter how noble, will not bring your child closer to Christ.

If you say no to most of these things someone, somewhere is going to be disappointed in you. Someone, somewhere, is going to be shocked that you are not doing your part for the school or the church or the family. If you say no and instead opt to stay at home with just your immediate family and cut out snowflakes or make a Christmas red and green paper chain for the tree without rushing, or sit at the piano singing Christmas carols off key, it will be scandalous.

I say this at my own peril. As the Children and Youth Minister, I rely on volunteers for everything from a child to light the Advent candles to all the many duties of the pageant. I know that the pull to do everything at Christmas is strong, so I'm not really worried that the programs are going to collapse. If every parent pulled out and said that they needed to stay at home and teach their children, in a real and hands on way, the love of Christ, how could I complain. I wouldn't or at least I would try not to complain.

Even if you have to say no to the church (though consider saying no to someone else as well), I encourage every family to set aside one night a week each and every week between now and Christmas to be with your children, without distraction. To slowly be in their presence, to listen to their stories, (even those long, long stories with no point), to share your stories with them and to teach them about Christ would be the best gift you can give. Grandma and every one else may complain, but being a good parent is seldom easy or popular.

Have blessed and peaceful Christmas,

Michelle

If only I were perfect.

2008-11-06T16:16:00.006-05:00

If only I were perfect.

I hate making mistakes. I guess everyone does, but my mistakes always seem bigger and dumber than anyone elses'. I’ll readily admit when I have made a mistake, but then I suffer to no end about having made an error. I have an inner critic who is quite the task master. My critic tells me that if I were more organized, if I was more thoughtful, if I didn’t rush or if I rushed a little more, if I prayed more, if I had more faith, if I was more like my mother, if I wasn’t so thoughtless, then I would not make mistakes like this one.

My inner critic is with me as I mother, as I exercise, as I clean house or fail to clean house and certainly is in full voice when I look at the contents of my minivan. I think that listening to this critic is a sin. It is a tricky thing to recognize this as a sin. It is like a friend who is giving you constructive criticism with snide undertones. That is a bad friend, not a friend at all. That inner voice is really whispering, “You aren’t good enough and never will be. Don’t believe all of that silly Jesus loves you business. How could he? You lost your car keys …again.”

It’s not a sin to recognize there is growth potential in your life. It’s a sin to let the little voice tell you that the most important thing about you is that you made a mistake. The most important thing about us is that God loves us and accepts us. And that through the love of Christ, we can grow in faith and grow in love.

The kicker is that our children do as we do, not as we say. That inner mean friend, that criticizes me and shoves aside the peace that a life in Christ offers, is contagious. It jumps from me to my children in a blink of the eye. When they see me disgusted with myself, then they suddenly are disgusted with themselves. (Boy, then do I feel bad, which is a little circular. My, “I am a bad mother,” thoughts turn into proof that, sure enough, I am a bad mother; my kids are worrying just like me.)

To love our neighbors as ourselves we have to love ourselves (which sounds very 1970’s). God loves us. Christ sacrificed himself for us without concern about how often we lose things and make mistakes. Indeed, he did it with full knowledge of our many flaws. To love our children, we must love ourselves and know that we strive for perfection through Christ, not aside form him. In this way, our children will learn the same thing. In Christ we will find the love and acceptance we need to then reach out to others.

So, now I have to go next door and admit a mistake and try to let it go with a smirk, an apology, and the effort it takes to make it right and tell that little voice to take a hike.

Peace,

Michelle

Top 10 Christian Kids' Web Sites

2008-10-04T15:15:00.001-04:00

The World Wide Web can be a wonderful resource, but it can be like slogging through a dense jungle sometimes. So I have turned to Love To Know to help us clear a path to some of the better web sites when it comes to Christian kids.

I hope you enjoy looking at them, and please share your favorites with me to add to the list.

Kristina Setliff

TOP 10 CHRISTIAN KIDS' WEB SITES

Christiany Today Kids’ Channel Access fun and easy to understand Bible stories, ideas for activities and crafts or check out a wide variety of games. Perfect for Sunday school teachers, parents or kids. Also offers information about learning more on core subjects such as math, science and language arts.

Worldwide Christian Children’s Website Church of Christ offers a website just for Christian children. Included are Bible stories, poems, Christian children's' songs, coloring pages, puzzles and games and a monthly worship bulletin just for kids with puzzles, games and a Bible study on a specific theme.

The Kids Zone Site's goal is to provide a safe place where children can link to websites without fear of coming across inappropriate pages. Offers a clean Christian chat room, book reviews. Also offers games and sells action figures based on characters from the Bible such as Moses and Noah.

Belverbears Many different ways to learn about God and teachings from the Bible. Includes coloring pages, posters to download, Bible stories, scriptures to memorize, prayers and poems. Teachers and parents will want to download the activity of the month, such as making a tithe box.

Beyond This Planet Resources for Sunday school teachers. Lesson ideas include many seasonal items. The just for kids area contains sections such as riddles and jokes, word searches, and how to know the Bible is true. Links to tons of other websites focusing on Christian youth.

Bible Coloring Pages Free printable coloring pages featuring characters and scenes from the Bible. Broken down by Old Testament and New Testament and including subjects such as Adam & Eve, Abraham, Noah's ark, nativity and angels. Plain pages or pages with stories.

Christ for Me Online magazine offering a KidZone with Bible studies, life lessons, games, an area where kids can email their questions and get answers based from a Christian World View and take Christian challenges. Also offers online Bible courses and serial stories.

CBH Ministries Goal is to teach kids about Christ. They offer Keys for Kids, which is a devotional with a story and memory verse. They offer a new key each day. While there, listen to Down Giliead Lane, a radio drama for Christian kids.

Danielle's Place: Crafts & Activities Dedicated to teaching children about the Bible with crafts and activities. Includes Sunday school crafts, crafts for rainy days and games. Get detailed instructions on how to put together a Sunday School memory book. Themes for scrapbook pages include Moses and the burning bush and Moses crosses the red sea.

Christian Character Builders Tons of online games such as puzzles, word search, crossword and other word games. Includes a Bible study on a child's daily walk with Jesus. Links to sister sites with more details. Be sure to check out their bookstore for further resources for strengthening your child's

Grace

2008-09-02T10:56:00.003-04:00

I once represented a woman who deserved no more chances from the court. She had been given several chances to do the things she should do and she had failed. Yet, to my surprise, the court granted her one more chance. I represented her, I was the one person in her corner and even I had grave doubts that she deserved another chance.

God gives us another chance and another chance. Rather than judge us as we deserve, rather than mete out the justice we have earned, the Lord calls us back, back into the fold again and again. Through his loving kindness he reaches out to pull us close again after we wander away.

If the Lord can bring himself to this act of mercy and grace for each of us, then certainly we must do the same for our children. They make mistakes. We are required to correct the mistakes but then we can move forward. We need to stop looking back. It is easy to return to the mistakes they have made and harp on them. To remind them of what happened before, point out where we were right, assure that they never forget their errors.

When a child returns to you with an “A” on a spelling test, to respond by saying, “You see you do much better on a spelling test if you work on the words every day rather than on the bus the morning of the test,” isn’t encouraging. Instead it is reminding the child, once again, of how wrong they were and how right we were. God doesn’t seem to set that example for us. That is not the lesson Christ brings to us. We are not conditionally brought back into the fold. Rather, as in the parable of the prodigal son, there is great rejoicing when we turn from what is wrong and do what is right. There is no scolding in the prodigal son, no belittling, no “joking” about what a terrible mistake he made. It wasn’t the topic of conversation at every Thanksgiving dinner. (“Well, we all know somebody who slept with the pigs.” Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.) Once he had learned his lesson, his father moved on to celebrate his son's new found wisdom and welcomed him back with loving kindness.

It is only with godly wisdom that we can hold our tongues and not belittle or unduly scold our children. In remembering the many undeserved second chances and loving kindness that has been shown to us, through Christ, is it possible to conform our own behavior so that we wisely lead our children while simultaneously modeling the grace which is daily extended to us.

Blessings,
Michelle

The Sky's the Limit

2008-08-07T12:42:00.002-04:00

Setting expectations for our children is difficult. How much can they do and at what age? What is enough? What is too much? No matter where you set the standard someone thinks that’s an unreasonable standard in one direction or another. My suspicion is that, all of the parents I know, myself included, expect too little of our children. If I could ask my grandmother what she was expected to do at different ages throughout her childhood I’m sure it would be more than today’s children. Our children are as smart as and probably healthier than children were 100 years ago, so why don’t we expect as much of them?

I have recently browsed through a book written by two teenage boys who have positioned themselves as rebels against low expectations for teens. The book is called Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. Earlier in the summer I read the review of a book discussing the woes of expecting too little of teens and the ills of holding teens back from achieving based on their age. If our teens are not achieving it is because we haven’t prepared them to do more. The low expectations don’t just start the day a child turns the corner from 12 to 13, magically becoming a teenager. Low expectations seem to begin around the age of 3 and often spiral out of control from there. At three, it is time to start to civilized a child in earnest. By 10 they should be down right charming and helpful.

This is easier said than done, of course. Kids like being the prince or princess of their world. Who wouldn’t like to have someone fix the exact meal we want, when we want it and how we want it? Do our laundry, pay our bills, drives us to the fun activities and certainly not interrupt our TV and computer time. When parents call a halt to all of this pampering, kids are not happy and they share that sentiment with everyone. Any tranquility which once reigned, while little precious was plugged into the TV or computer and eating only the food he found palatable, will be shattered when expectations are spelled out.

Your once marginally, happy child will now sigh, cut their eyes at you, grumble, accuse you of unfairness, inequality, meanness and otherwise try to irritate you out of your decision to make him put forth effort. They will alternately pout, plead inability to do the work, lack of time to do the work, tiredness, stomach aches, headaches, homework and other injuries to soul and body. It is trying to live with these little fountains of misery. It would be so much easier to just do it yourself. Or better yet, hire someone to do it. They don’t learn much about life if someone else is doing it.

We like our children to be happy. We like to nurture them, sooth them, not irritate them. It takes a while for them to discover that there is a certain happiness to be found in a job well done. It takes twice as long, if ever, for them to admit it. There is no quick return on this investment. But God did not tell us to treat our children as pets, giving them the things they want because it is fun for us. Raising children isn’t a hobby; it is our work and sometimes it is hard, which provides a certain symmetry in this plan. It’s hard for us to make them do hard things.

Our job is to start them down the right path. Raising children who expect to be catered to is not the Godly way to raise a child. We can’t keep coddling them if we expect them to work for Christ, to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, spread the word and love of God. We have to train them.

If we were sending our children out to run a marathon we would insist that they be trained first. Before we send them out into the world, we must train them as well. And it is a long training schedule. If we set expectations high, children will achieve more and will be on a lifelong path of meeting high expectations, of fulfilling the calling God has given them.

Proverbs 22:6 “Raise up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

So grit your teeth, or gird your loins, or whatever it takes to expect more of your children. Make them do some things that are hard to do and they will probably surprise you when you see how very much they can do. It’s for their own good, whether they believe you or not.

Blessings,

Michelle

Miles to go before I sleep

2008-07-03T15:20:00.002-04:00

If I thought I was all alone in this endeavor of raising children I might run away. Raising kids is hard. It takes endurance. Just when I think I have it figured out the rules all change. It is a moving target.

It starts, oh I don’t know, the day a child is born. That day or one very soon thereafter, is the day the awareness that the best laid plans are out the window. All of those self righteous, pious thoughts you had about the right way to raise children dissolve somewhere in the fog of interrupted sleep, inconsolable crying, and mountains of dishes and laundry and on top of that there is a baby to nurture.

I don’t know when the constant crush of decisions and responsibilities abate, but I’m entering my 14th year of motherhood and the end is not in sight. Everyone sleeps through the night now, but the mystery of the right response is still lacking a certain definitive quality. Should I be more involved or should I be less involved. Should I care that I am an unqualified embarrassment or ignore the mortification I am causing by the way I chew and laugh and talk and dress and, probably, breathe.

The comfort is that I am not alone. God has given me friends for each stage of my journey in motherhood. Community is a wonderful thing. The church creates community and there is comfort in that sense of enveloping camaraderie. The women I have known through my life in a spiritual community have had different opinions and different lifestyles and different priorities. Many of us have almost no common ground except motherhood, but we still support each other. We laugh and cry in snippets of conversation about the frustrations of potty training or the unexpected sassy retort from our little angel’s lips.

It is easy to help each other and we need to remember to take the time to do it. New mothers need, not advice as much as, reassurance. You will sleep again for more than an hour or two in a row. Of course withholding a little information is good too. That long sleep may not be for six months.

Admitting mistakes or moments of frustrated anger or the bewildering changes visited upon a household when adolescences takes hold, to other women and seeing their nodding heads and commiserating grins, helps ease the frustration of dealing with those moving targets. We should be thankful that God has given us this support group. We should now step out, not to criticize each other, but to support and laugh and cry together for the sanity it brings. A sane mother is a better mother. Just being heard and knowing that you are not going it alone is a blessing. Sometimes it takes the edge off, in the moment of frustration, to know that tomorrow night when I see my friends at church this is going to be a funny story.

There are plenty of places to get advise but not too many places where you can get encouragement and support. Church is one of them. Develop these gifts of friendship God has given us. Give by listening and receive by honestly sharing; it is for the good of us all.

Blessings,
Michelle

Lost & Found

2008-06-03T12:43:00.002-04:00

As I sat on the floor with eight little children one Sunday, we talked about being lost. Not figuratively or spiritually lost but really lost, the, “I can’t find my Mom," kind of lost. The lesson was one of those lost and found parables, either the coin or the sheep. To my personal relief it seems that every child has been lost at least once. Every single one of them has been lost in Wal-mart. (I was relieved because I have always been embarrassed that I have lost my daughter more than once, only briefly each time, yet I always felt very bad for my lack of diligence in keeping track of her. To compound my guilt, I don’t recall ever losing my son, but I seem to frequently misplace my daughter).

They each had a tale to tell. We heard about being lost in a neighborhood while at a party, being so lost the police had to come, being lost at Busch Gardens, being lost at a campground, being lost at the mall. Listening to the various versions of being lost was enlightening. In the eyes of the children they weren’t lost per se, rather their parents had just wandered off leaving them behind. Not one of them believed they had failed to stay with a parent, but that it was the other way around.

Listening to the six and seven year olds’ versions of finding their parents was equally entertaining. One said he followed his mom’s voice. (I know his mom and that was a good plan.) Another just looked through the racks of clothes until he found Mom. One said he watched the feet. He knew what his mom’s shoes looked like so he looked down until he found her feet. Each of them had a way different from the others. They each searched for Mom, but their methods were not the same. Each found their mom in the end. None of them seemed to consider that in the end they were found, in part, because Mom was looking for them. In their eyes it was a unilateral effort.

We are the same when we lose touch with God. We immediately assume that God has left us and not the other way around. We were just standing right here and God wandered off. Maybe we need to rethink this equation. Equally analogous is the way we find God. Some people “find God” through the love of family or friends, some find God in quiet, some in the sound of music. Just as the children in my class found their moms in a way that fit that child, so our children will find depth of meaning in their spiritual walk in a way that fits that child. As a parent it is easy to say if you get lost this is how you find me. If you don’t see God, this is how it is done. We need to remember each child is different. We can give them some guidelines, some tools but each situation is different and they will use their abilities to find their way. We must trust that God is looking for them and will help in the search until they are again reunited.

Have a good summer and I hope you can keep track of your kids.

Michelle

Fear Not

2008-04-18T08:50:00.003-04:00

I am blessed with a very able husband. The man is handy at just about everything and has a ridiculously broad range of knowledge. Can't quite remember the details of how an internal combustion engines works, just ask he can tell you down to the molecular level. Forgot how the Federal Reserve board determines the prime rate? He'll explain the current trend in fiscal policy and the geopolitical history that led to this system. Don't get him started on compound interest or how satellites stay in orbit. He can explain how the monks found yeast on the walls of some cave and it all lead to the brewing of some fine beer.

He's not just a brainiac. He has a lot of very practical skills as well. He's very handy with tools and engines and computers and negotiating anything. He can always see which way we should tilt a piece of furniture to make it fit through a doorway that it just shouldn't fit through. He knows when the sounds in the car are bad sounds as opposed to normal sounds. But best of all, he isn't afraid of anything. I mean it. He isn’t afraid of being embarrassed or of the authorities or of things that go bump in the night. He will take on any challenge. Equally he will walk away from anything that loses his interest or becomes boring.

There are upsides and downsides to a husband like this. The downside is all the magazine articles that tell you how to manipulate your man don't work. The upside is that I’m not scared of much of anything either. It's like it is contagious or something. Our family motto is "We can do that." Whatever it is we can do it. We may not win or we might change our minds later but if there is something someone in the family wants to do, we will do it or at least we will try. Fear will not hold us down. It seems to have become our credo "If you are afraid to do something then that is the very reason you should do it." Fear just gets in the way of life.

I think of this these last few weeks of the Easter season. Jesus keeps saying "Fear not". Jesus states clearly not to be afraid. Go help the poor and the hungry and the widows and the orphans. Visit those in prison. You can't do that if you allow fear to control your life. Being afraid of the bad guys in prison or the people who are very different because they are poor, or afraid of the germs of the sick may well be how we feel but if we let that fear be the deciding factor we will fail our calling. If we raise our children to stay inside and stay away from everyone how will they be Christians? How will they show the good fruit? We must encourage our children to be brave, to do the things they can do even though we could do those things for them. If we are halted in our Christian walk by the fear of everything, how much more will our children, who follow our every movement, be afraid?

Jesus extols us not to be afraid. Our God is big enough. We will know when we should take precautions; the warning system for real danger is hardwired into us. God gave us the ability to discern real danger but we have to be willing to trust God and let go of the fear, fear that causes the static in our minds and hearts that can obliterate the sound of danger signals when they are real. Static that obliterates the voice of God. To live in fear of everyday life is to be crippled as a Christian.

The first step is to face something fearful. You may feel fear but push beyond that and act on the mandates of Christianity. Talk to the lonely. Feed the hungry. Be among people who are not like you, knowing that God would not tell us to do these things if we could not do them.

Being around someone who is fearless also helps. Jesus was fearless. He never cowered at danger to his physical well being or his social standing or his pride. He wasn't afraid of embarrassment or of the authorities, be they government or church. He pushed forward doing what he knew was right. We can do that too. We can show our children how to do that. We know what to do. Just do it. Jesus was very clear, "Fear not".

Blessings,
Michelle

Woman behold thy son

2008-03-22T16:06:00.000-04:00

Woman behold thy son. Son behold thy mother.

Mary, standing at the cross watching her son die, is faced with letting go of the Jesus who is her son and, by faith, embracing the Jesus who is her savior, her God.
Mary, the Mary of the magnificat, "my soul magnifies the Lord he has done great things for me." These were Mary's words at the beginning of her amazing journey into the motherhood of Jesus. Mary was the first to know Jesus as a human. Before he moved in her womb she knew that he was there. Mary held tight to him in the stable. The mother who took him to be blessed by Simeon. Who frantically searched for her lost 12 year old, for three days, while her wonderkind son sat in the temple, amazing the teachers. Mary, who witnessed his first miracle of turning the water into wine; she must have know of all of the healings and miracles, the raising of Lazarus. Mary was there to see even his triumphant entry into Jerusalem. Her son heralded as the king, the savior of her people, the Jews. What mother wouldn't blush with pride? Her beautiful boy fulfilling every great and wonderful prophesy. Not just loved by his mother but loved by many.
Through all of these moments in Jesus' life Mary, like all mothers, was in the process of letting go of her son. Slowly he grew in stature and wisdom and he grew beyond his mother. She was there to see him from afar but he had become his own man, God's own man.
We mother's the world over feel that appropriate but searing pulling away of our sons. They leave so quickly. Every mother has to let go of her son, that is the right way to raise a son. Slowly they break away they leave you. First to kindergarten then to middle school before you know it they are leaving for college and then for a wife or a career or a calling or maybe all three. The leaving, the breaking away is sometimes fast but often slow. It is the right thing but that doesn't mean it is the easy thing. Saying farewell to being the most important person to your son is difficult. Oh, our hearts cry out "Let me hold him like in the stable, let me keep those mean boys away, those terrible soldiers”.
But we can't do that. We, like Mary, have to allow God's plan to play out. Often a plan we can't imagine; a plan that seems ill considered. Mary must stand at the cross and decide does she believe God's plan is being brought forth or is this all a terrible mistake, a mistake that is costing her, her son?
At the cross, Jesus essentially hands his mother over to his beloved disciple. “Woman, behold thy son. Son behold thy mother”. He is saying his final good-bye to Mary as his human mother. His words tell her that he will not be her earthly son any longer. It is his final good bye to the mother/son relationship they have known. While dying and in agony, he demonstrates his tender care for her by making some final and practical arrangements for the care of his mother. A good son. Mary will go with John. John will take care of her and she will mother the grown John. The message is clear, Jesus isn’t coming down off that cross alive, this terrible event is not going to stop. It is continuing and Mary can’t see the end; how this can work out.
Now Mary is at a pivotal moment, can she say good bye to her beloved son and in that moment, in faith, embrace him as her savior, her Lord? Embrace him as the savior who loves all humanity as he had once loved her perhaps even more than he had loved her. Trusting God's plan, moving forward in faith and in hope. In the midst of this terrible occasion, with the celebrations only a memory Mary has the choice of trusting God or turning inward with her pain.
Isn't that where we stand? At the cross with a decision to make. Will we allow the love that transcends human love to open our eyes through faith? Will we accept God's plan for our lives knowing it is a lovingly wrought plan even when we don't understand the elements of that plan or how it could possibly work out for good? Through the web of pain that comes with being human we must find the thread of faith and hope as Mary did and embrace a loving and present Christ.
Mary didn't run from the face of adversity neither when she found herself pregnant and unmarried nor when they killed her son. Neither when she was given that son nor when he was taken away. As the horror of losing her son unfolded before her she stood in faith and in hope. Mary didn’t know what was to come next. It appears that she accepted her loss and within that loss found, three days later, that she gained a risen Lord.
We are called to stand before the cross with faith, faith in God’s enduring love, faith and hope that the resurrection will bring the all encompassing love of God and the peace that is beyond understanding even in the midst of our greatest losses even when we don’t know the end of the story, embracing that faith and hope as God moves us through the journey that is this life.

Amen

Better Parenting in 2008

2008-01-31T08:14:00.000-05:00

Changing old habits is hard. I mean really hard. I have an irritating habit of kicking my shoes off as soon as my backside hits a horizontal surface and then completely forgetting that I did it. As you can well imagine the result is shoes under the coffee table, shoes under the dinning room table, shoes in the kitchen nook , shoes scattered all over the bedroom, under my side of the bed, under his side of the bed, at the foot of the bed, under the chair. You get the picture. It irritates me so I know it drives the rest of my family nuts. They persevere. I can’t seem to change this bad habit because I am not even conscious of the act even as I do it. It’s as if the shoes just skipped off my feet of their own volition. How can I change that?

Parenting habits seem to suffer the same problem. I do some things and I am not even aware that I’m doing them. The insidious part of parenting is that children do as you do not as you say. No matter how many times you tell them otherwise. And in that way my bad habits replicate into their bad habits. When I become frustrated and work myself into a snit, I am teaching them to scrunch up their faces and snarl when they get frustrated. When I put off making the final pageant costumes until 10 pm the night before the pageant they learn to scramble around the night before a project is due trying to find glue sticks and teal construction paper.

To be a better parent in 2008 means I will need to be a better person in 2008. This sounds terrible. I want to concentrate on them, the kids. It is so easy to see just what they need to do to be happier and more successful and more peaceful. I don’t want that reflected back on me. The harsh truth is that if I don’t want my children to make the mistakes I make then I need to stop making those mistakes. Easier said than done. Not something I can do of my own strength. Seeking strength through quiet time with God, talking time with friends and honest self examination is the path to correcting my errors, errors in the things I do and say and think. (Don’t think they don’t know the gist of what you are thinking, they do.)

If ever I need reminding that my bad habits are contagious I need look no further than the floor under the coffee table, and the dinning room table and the kitchen nook. There I will find not only my size 9 pumps and running shoes but little white sandals and little black patent church shoes. It is as if my big shoes invited some little girl shoes in for a chat. Such a visual reminded that my daughter will do what I do no matter how many times I say, at the height of hypocrisy, “If you put your shoes away you will always know where to find them.”

So maybe we will work on shoes this month. And maybe I can remember that I am a walking object lesson whether I like it or not. To improve my child requires only that I improve myself. Once again I am reminded that parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Blessings,
Michelle

Labels

2008-01-15T14:09:00.000-05:00

Seven years ago Don became the new grandpa in our family. While some of the grandkids had a hard time adjusting, mine did not. My children were 6 years old and 3 years old when Mom married Don. My father died when they were very young so they have very few, if any, memories of him. Don entered with enthusiasm for his new role. He is generous with treats and his time. For the first couple of years it never occurred to him to utter the dread words, ”Maybe we should ask your mother,” in relation to things like Mountain Dew, ice cream and The Simpsons. We all love him.

The only problem I have with Don is how to introduce him. I stumble every time. I once referred to him as my stepfather and a friend said, “Aren’t you a little old to call him that?” I guess to call him stepfather is to imply that he helped raise me. He didn’t. I was 37 years old when he married my mother. Next I tried, “This is my mother’s husband”. Not good. That seems cold and distant. I thought the fail safe method would be to introduce him as my children’s grandfather. That too brought baggage. My son’s second grade teacher, laughing at one of Don’s jokes, was confident that my son, Harrison, had inherited his sense of humor directly from his grandfather. The family cringed feeling we had misled her.

I have, in just the last year, introduced him as my father, my mother’s husband, my stepfather and my father-in-law. Most often I have chosen to say, “This is my mother, Martha and this is Don,” leaving everyone to wonder how he fits in and why I didn’t give him a familial label. My problem is that I want to claim him as part of us, but I don’t know how the hearer of my introduction will interpret each label.

That is the problem with labels; everyone brings their own interpretation to the terms. Label yourself a Christian and one person sees a hate monger out to exclude as many people as possible, another sees a wimp dominated by the church while others see a pleasant but ineffectual do-gooder. A few see a follower of Christ doing the best she can.

Jesus resisted labels. At one moment he was a scholar of the Jewish law and at another apparently flaunting that same law for the good of the sinners by which he was surrounded. He didn’t seem to be interested in telling us what label he thought he should have but rather he asked Peter, “Who do you say that I am?” Jesus seemed more interested in what individuals had to say, what they believed than defining himself. He didn’t seem to spend any time correcting the misconceptions about his label but he spent his time caring for the sick and lame and broken hearted around him. Isn’t that just like him.

As a Christian I try not to engage in debates about the image of Christianity. I should love God and love my neighbor and let the labels sort themselves out or not. In the same way, I will let the world know that I love Don as my mother’s husband, my stepfather, my children’s grandfather, as himself, without the concern of how others interpret the labels. Long explanations are exhausting and generally do little to illuminate a relationship either here on earth or beyond. Loving actions will overcome limiting labels. After all we are not called to declare our correctness but to show our love.

So I am a Christian and Don is Don and the world can sort out what that means.

Blessings in the New Year,
Michelle

They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love

2007-12-20T17:03:00.000-05:00

Living a life of grace is easy to talk about, difficult to do. Finding a kernel of love for the people who have wronged me is very, very difficult. This week someone broke into my home and stole my son’s computer. This week a former employee accused me of being shortsighted and lacking compassion. This week I was wrongly accused of something and there was no means of redress. It is hard to love these people. The ones who steal my reputation and my peace of mind and my stuff.

Christians are to be different from the world around us. That means that, though everyone assures me that I have every right to wish vengeance on these people, I should not. I have prayed for each one of these people. I have asked for peace in my thoughts and actions in regards to these people.

I don’t feel like loving them. Yet I don’t hate them. I think that is a step along Christ’s path towards graciousness. I feel sad that these things happened. I often feel frustrated that I have no defensive action that I can take. I can’t defend my son’s feelings or his computer evidently. I can’t defend my pride. I can’t defend my actions. I just have to take it on the chin. Maybe that is part of turning the other cheek. Loving the other first. Forestalling or completely eliminating the words or actions that are for my benefit only.

This type of love is not love that lets others “get away with” their misdeeds. While the corrective steps have to be taken sometimes by me sometimes by others, the difference is the motivating force behind those steps. Burglars can not go on burglarizing. If found, there will be consequences which I will support. Employees have to be let go sometimes. Responsible adults have to take responsible actions. With grace involved these actions can be taken without hatefulness, vindictiveness or even anger.

I am reminded of a referee at a basketball games. He just calls the fouls when he sees them. The game moves on. Chaos is held at bay. Through it all he stays calm because he doesn’t have his emotions tied up in the outcome. Of course the analogy breaks down a bit because Christ calls us to love those who commit a foul against us. The referee is aloof because he doesn’t care one way or the other, but we are to actively care for these people as if they are a daughter or son of God, holy creation of God the Father. Tough stuff to swallow sometimes.

I believe that Christianity is a path sometimes it is pretty easy sometimes it is pretty hard. With each incidence this week I savored a minute, sometimes a good deal more than a minute, of righteous indignation, but with prayer and silence I was able to let that fervor go. I was left feeling a little sad and in some cases steeling myself for the consequences that needed to be delivered yet buoyed by the peace that does indeed pass understanding.

Each day is a new step along the path and sometimes I’ll get it right and many times I will get it all very wrong but I will keep trying.

I wish you grace and peace in the new year.

Michelle

"To Do" at Christmas

2007-11-26T09:02:00.000-05:00

What is it about the holidays that make us over commit? The idea is to make everything wonderful, the house, the tree, the gifts, the meals, the caroling and on and on it goes. Suddenly it is December 15 and we are exhausted with what we have done and with what we have yet to do.
What does Jesus want from us? I think that is the question we need to ask; the one truly significant question. Martha Stewart wants us to make a centerpiece dessert of cream puffs with a drizzled topping simulating icicles. The school band wants us to deliver 200 goody bags with some sweets but not too many. The kids want a gingerbread house. Spouses just want a night out together.
Jesus wants to reconcile man to God. If that was his purpose then when we celebrate his arrival shouldn’t we be promoting His agenda, reconciling man to God? Now that is a huge one to put on the “to do” list. Gifts for the teachers, Home Depot for Daddy, visit the nursing home, donate to the needy and reconcile man to God. I don’t feel less overwhelmed with that added to the list.
That is the point of course. Reconciling man to God is not one more thing to add to the list. It is the list. Each item on the “to do” list should be held up and compared to this ideal. Is buying a new sliding, compound, miter saw for my husband a step in the path to reconciling man to God? Maybe, if done with a charitable heart and as a symbol of a love so deep I’ll give him the tools to tear out the bathroom, because that’s how God made him. How about hanging all those Christmas lights? Reconciliation between the creator and the created? For me, that one is harder to figure out. How does that bring anyone closer to God, closer to divorce maybe, but closer to God? Of course, each one of us must discern what activity speaks to our soul; which move us and our families closer to God.
Over the years I have simplified Christmas in my house. I don’t send Christmas cards. My theory on decoration is “less is more”. Christmas baking is at the whim of what anyone wants at any given time. Gifts for music teachers and Sunday school teachers and school teachers have become what I can find at the Church bookstore or a gift card. I’ve stopped trying so hard to make it perfect. Friends and acquaintances sometimes howl that those things must be done. I try to remember that Jesus didn’t live his life according to the rules of the community. He ate with lepers so I can probably skip the Christmas cards.
For the last two years I have declined all Christmas parties that did not include the whole family. Even the ones that everyone told me were a must. My reasoning is that if the “to do” list of Christmas is really to bring mankind into a closer relationship with God then the first place for me to start is with my children, the two little parts of mankind God gave me to raise for these few years. Christmas parties will always be there, the children will not. Instead of attending another party to benefit the needy I tend to my own children’s needs. I teach them about Christ through loving them fully, through spending time with them. Sometimes loving the children in an unhurried, unharried way is a circular path right back to traditional Christmas activities. Sometimes we bake cookies, sometimes we decorate the tree, sometimes we just roast marshmallows, even if it means turning the air conditioning down low enough to justify a fire. I make my donations to the needy and Toys for Tots and the food pantry but I don’t need to go to a party to do it.
This year the kids are older and have some activities they want to do on their own so I may go to a party or two. They want to skip the parade but go ice skating. Nothing is written in stone. A more relaxed Christmas where we try to love as Christ loved is the goal and in the end is the gift we all want and need.

Blessings,
Michelle

I'm Mom's Favorite

2007-10-17T09:32:00.000-04:00

“Who do you love more?”

Every parent with more than one child will be asked this question, either outright or obliquely. There are picture books and essays and parenting tips all written to help with this quandary. The fact is I love them both so much. I would throw myself in front of a bus to save either one of them.

My husband and I have a tacit agreement - if it comes to one of the kids or one of us, save the kids. These declarations usually arise at the height of the tension in some bizarrely perilous scene that only Hollywood could concoct. But still, just in case we are ever hanging by a thread from a blazing F-16 and have only one hand to save someone, the rule is save the kids.

But of course, the kids’ question is not would you save Daddy or would you save me, but rather would you save me or would you save my sibling? After so many attempts to explain that I can’t choose, my answer is,“I’ll just let go and you two can save yourselves, if you don’t stop asking me this.” No, that’s not my answer, at least not out loud.
How can I choose? I can’t. No pat answer is going to satisfy them.
“You are my favorite daughter and you are my favorite son,” I say to my only daughter and my only son.
This only elicits, “So which do you like better sons or daughters?”

I love them both, not the same way, but so much I can’t quantify it. I love them each for who they are with a depth I can not express to them. I realize it is a depth of love that you don’t understand until you are the parent rather than the child. Why do Mom’s keep bailing out their irresponsible children? Hope, love that can’t be expressed, it runs so deep.

I am a daughter as well as a mother. I’m still suspicious that my mother loves my sister or one of my brothers more than me. Then I realize she loves me as much as she possibly can. She may be connected to my sister in a more significant way through the vagaries of life. My brothers are certainly more entertaining. That is just the way things worked out. But that doesn’t diminish her love for me.

The love a mom has expands with each new member of the family. It is not a finite amount to be portioned out, stealing some from one to give to the other. One gets all of his and then mystically there is enough for another full portion for the next one when she comes looking. Like the loaves and fishes that just kept coming not just until there was enough but until there was far, far more than enough. That must be an analogy to God’s love. It’s there and it just keeps coming.

If as a mother I love so very deeply and care so dramatically how much more must God love each of us? Just as it is ridiculous to believe a mother loves one more than another so it is with our heavenly Father he doesn’t allow one to garners more love than another. He may be pleased with one more than another on a given day. But this too, I, as a mother, understand.

As God loves us, as my mother loves my siblings and me, I too love my children with a depth of love that can not be measured. If it can not be measured then it can not be quantifiably compared. But try to explain that to a six year old.

In some of my less than stellar moments, when pushed I’ve retort,
“Who do you love more Mommy or Daddy?” (Say Mommy, say Mommy, say Mommy, I secretly think and simultaneously feel incredibly guilty for thinking it.)
Their response, “That’s not fair. That’s different. It depends.”
“Right,” I answer “it’s not fair.”

The question is impossible to answer it is a question that has no answer. Not because I am dodging or there is a secret I’m not telling but because the answer doesn’t exist. There is enough love for all of us and then some. All of us who are God's chidlren. Just rest, assured in that knowledge and let that knowledge buoy us as we get on with our day.

Michelle
October 16, 2007

Fasting? Me?

2007-09-17T13:52:00.000-04:00

Fasting, of all things, keeps popping up in my day. It started with a light hearted conversation with a friend. She swore she could never fast for a day because she starts planning dinner while she is swallowing the last bite of breakfast and in the background of those thoughts she is simultaneously weighing her options for lunch, while perusing the pantry for a mid morning snack. Next, I picked up a magazine and randomly opened to an article and what was the topic but fasting as part of yoga practice. That same evening I began reading an article in The New Yorker. Ostensibly it was a narrative of the writer’s experiences at a week long spa retreat in the deserts of California. As the article progressed, I realized the retreat was a no food retreat. (They served lemon grass tea and vitamins.) The author went on to detail various religions’ disciplines of fasting (everyone but Sikhs fast) and the scientific and nutritional implications of fasting.

Fasting was everywhere. I dismissed it as a new trend of which I was, once again, unaware. (I didn’t know blue eye shadow was back in until it was out again.) Then today I read the scriptures assigned in the Daily Offices of the Book of Common Prayer. The gospel from today’s daily office is Jesus’ temptation on the mountain. During this time Jesus was fasting. The Old Testament reading was from Kings. In that reading Ahab was fasting as well. Now I am convinced that there are fads in publishing, but I don’t think the writers of the Book of Common Prayer are in cahoots with the editors of The New Yorker so maybe I should give some of my attention to fasting.

The two fasts of today’s readings couldn’t be more different. Jesus’ fast was, of course, pure in heart; Jesus was launching his ministry. His was a fast of commitment, spiritually arming himself for the work to come.

Ahab's, on the other hand, was a fast born out of petulance. Ahab was sulking. He wanted his neighbor’s vineyard and he couldn’t have it. So Ahab lay down on his bed, faced the wall, and refused to eat. He continued his fast until his wife Jezebel cajoled him out of bed with a devious and murderous plan to acquire the land Ahab wanted.

Jesus’ fast was not for himself but an act of submission before God the Father. Ahab’s fast was solely for himself, to draw attention to himself and to manipulate others until they gave him what he wanted. When we as Christians fast it is more difficult than we might think to enter into a spiritually appropriate fast. To put aside the Ahab type of intentions.

Of course, at first blush, we think “Well I’m no Ahab. I’m not fasting to make my spouse concoct a plan to falsely accuse my neighbor of heresy and have him stoned to death so that I can then get his vineyard for a vegetable garden.” But perhaps when and if we fast we have some motives that are not completely pure. When we fast the challenge is to be sure that we are fasting only to be closer to God not for any ulterior motives; not to show our personal strength, not to try to manipulate God into answering our prayers, not to assure ourselves that we are superior to others, Christian or not, not to store up some spiritual cache.

Jesus set the example. Jesus went away from his followers and detractors when he fasted. The scripture gives no indication that he left the mountain and spoke to his disciples about the fast. The Gospel for today emphasizes not the fast but the temptations. The fast seems to be a back story, a given part of communing closely with God.

The times I have fasted, the fasting was not a back story. Not eating for a day is not easy. Fasting and not thinking about the fact that you are fasting is pretty tricky. Fasting and not talking about the fact that you are fasting is even trickier. Food is everywhere. We don’t just eat for sustenance we eat to be sociable, we eat to fill time, we eat to take a break from other tasks.
It’s hard to dodge all that eating. It’s even harder to not say, "No thank you I’m fasting”. The subtext being, “Don’t feel bad while you eat that candy. Clearly your spiritual development is not at the level of mine and that is why you must eat and I must not.” The gospel of Matthew addresses that issue when Jesus says that when you fast you should wash your face and anoint your head so that you are not seen fasting by men but by your Father in secret. ( Matt. 6:16-18).

Those same verses in Matthew make me realize that I have not fasted in a long time. I can’t help noticing that it says “when you fast” not “if you fast”. There is a certain presumption that fasting is part of a spiritual life just like praying. It seems I'm falling short but I have some great excuses.

It seems like a Catch -22. How do I fast without broadcasting it, while simultaneously preparing and serving food to my family? Supposing I can figure that one out, how do I proceed with a day full of kids and work and housework without eating? As a rule, I get mean when I don’t eat. I’m very sure Christ doesn’t want me to holler at my kids, “I’m fasting here so can you guys just zip it and stop bugging me!”

Perhaps once again I will have to rely on grace. Rely on the sanctity of God’s word and believe that since Jesus clearly wants each of us to use fasting as part of our spiritual growth then Jesus will provide the way. God will provide the strength that I don’t have on my own. Entering into a fast, in obedience to God, will be different and will affect me differently than the process of failing to eat because I’m busy affects me.

During these days when I have been trying to dodge the topic of fasting, I realize that for far too long I have used my children as a very convenient excuse not to fast. One day without food will not compromise my ability to do the work of raising my children. God has given me the foreknowledge that my temper may be short and this is a chance for me to pray instead of eat and to practice patience instead of anger.

Will I fast soon? I think I’ll keep thinking about it but if I do it right no one will ever know.

God’s wisdom be with you all,
Michelle

Doing the work he has given us to do.

2007-08-20T10:34:00.000-04:00

My father died seven years ago and last month I forgot. Last month, for the first time in seven years I didn’t mark the anniversary of his death. The day came and the day went and I didn’t even think of it until three days later. Each year in the last week of July since 2000 I have felt the acute loss of my father. I wouldn’t have expected it before he died. My father and I were not particularly close. We loved each other and we took care of each other but we only talked occasionally. We usually learned news of each other through my mother. He didn’t agree with many of my life choices and I didn’t always agree with his. Once he was gone I was shocked, stunned to realize the truth of it, the truth that he was really and forever gone from this earth. I had been independent of him for years, married, with my own children, mortgage, life, yet I felt the loss acutely for years.
My favorite memory of my father was going to the beach. When I was young we lived in Titusville and on many Saturdays we would all crowd into the station wagon with thermos of water and peanut butter sandwiches and plastic buckets and go to Playalinda Beach . The black and white VAB at Kennedy space center sat in the haze just to the south. Dad would hold me in one arm and my younger brother in the other and walk out to the “really deep” water, over our heads but just up to his chest and jump the waves. My brother and I must have been about 3 and 4 years old, respectively. The waves in the Atlantic can be rough. I can so clearly remember holding on to his broad shoulders as he jumped the waves with us in his arms. I felt absolutely thrilled at the tumulus surf and absolutely safe in his arms.
A parent’s importance in a child’s life is often under emphasized. Once they can talk a parent feels them separating, by the time they can talk back you can feel on the brink of being obsolete. Certainly the role we play in a child’s life is meant to diminish. A child should become independent; they probably should make some decisions we parents disagree with. It is part of the break but that break is never complete. The imprint of your parents, good or bad, lasts a lifetime. Their loss is a searing pain that eventually gives way to a mild yearning.
I sat at lunch with an elderly gentleman this week and as we were eating our dessert he said, “My grandmother made the best peach cobbler I ever ate”. That memory must have been half a century old. The small tug of the family from which he came was still there.
It is hard to remember in the day in and day out of parenting that what we are doing is making a lasting impression on our children. Parenting can become mundane, mind numbingly repetitive in the daily tasks of laundry and spelling words and music lessons and dishes. But like that peach cobbler and those minutes in the deep surf, hidden in the daily work of parenting are nuggets that will stay with your children forever. A memory that is a comfort or a habit that reassures. It’s a game of hide and seek, we don’t know and our children don’t know which moments are the important ones.
Staying the course, remaining focused, all that motivational speak dims with time. Nearly every parent has heard or read Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The stored wealth of comfort and wisdom from which our children can draw for the rest of their lives is being stockpiled now while they are children, while they are in our care. Parents are taken for granted and the duty and responsibility of forming another person’s life is seldom honored yet it is a noble mantel to carry to be someone’s mother or father, worthy of your attention. Decades from today your words and actions will be the memories that bring comfort and grace to your child’s spirit. As we would say in the legal world “Govern yourselves accordingly”.

God’s strength and peace be with you,
Michelle

Spiritual Development – ages 0-4

2007-07-17T09:46:00.000-04:00

When it comes to spiritual growth, each child has an empty photo album that needs pictures. Although God created them as unique individuals, from the first moment you hold them you are adding to their album and forming their picture of the world. When you protect them and love them by caring for their basic needs, they learn that they are loved and the world is a safe place. They need to know this is also true spiritually, so you need to demonstrate, with actions and words, that God is like you: He also cares for them, keeps them safe, and makes sure that their needs are met. When they hear and see this repeatedly, they begin to build a worldview with a Christian foundation that sets them up for life.
In these early years they are dependent on you to feed and nourish them spiritually. As soon as you know you are pregnant, pray for them, and pray simple, short prayers over them that affirm God’s love and care. When you consistently pray for them, they learn what prayer is and that God is interested. You can begin this even before they know what talking is. Simply thank God for them out loud, pray that He gives them a good sleep, and thank Him for putting them in our life. In doing this you are giving them the basics of the Christian fait: God is real, He made them and loves them, He takes care of them, and prayer is talking to God. You are giving them their first snapshots of life. It’s probably a collage of impressions: love, comfort, security, smiles and frowns, happiness, care – all pieced together within a bright border that says, “Mommy, Daddy, and God love me. I am special!” What a way to start off their life’s photo album!

From Focus on the Family “Parents’ guide to the spiritual growth of children”.

Kids Need Boundaries

2007-06-04T17:57:00.001-04:00

I found this article very helpful, as my husband and I sometimes are challenged by our three-year-old!

Kids need boundaries.

That probably doesn't surprise you, but this might: Kids want boundaries! That's right. Providing parameters for our children gives them a sense of comfort and security that nothing else can. Boundaries are the clear lines of behavior we draw within the home that children know they are not to cross.

The Danger of Moving Boundaries.

One mistake that parents often make is allowing inconsistent boundaries.Sometimes we allow for almost complete freedom, and then other times we hold high expectations for behavior. This creates a real challenge for kids, because they can never be sure exactly which standard he or she must adhere to for the moment.An example of this is parent's expectations during mealtimes. When we allow kids to grab bites as they run around the dinner table at home, why should we be surprised when they don't want to sit in a high chair at a restaurant?The Freedom Boundaries Bring!There is a common misconception that setting forth clear boundaries for kids is too strict or stringent. When kids are given a clear outline of behavior that's acceptable and behavior that is not, it gives them the freedom to move within those boundaries without constantly guessing what behavior will bring disciplinary action.

(1.) Establish clear standards of behavior.

All too often, parents simply tell kids to "be a good boy" without clearly defining what that would mean in a given situation. Set up some clear parameters that show how behavior would dictate this order. Using the restaurant example again, acceptable behavior for a young child might mean sitting still at the table during the meal, not playing with the food, and talking in a quiet voice. These are all very clear, attainable goals.

(2.) Use "What-if" scenarios to apply to future situations.

You don't have to wait for tough situation to deal with difficult scenarios. In fact, it is far easier to address them beforehand. With the earlier example, going over some questions with children before eating in the restaurant could certainly help. At this point, the parent can even make it fun! "When we get to the restaurant, would it be okay if Daddy gets up and runs around the table screaming? What would happen if he did that?" These steps work for kids of any age, by the way. For older kids, the "what-if" questions just change: "If you are riding in a car with some friends, and the driver stops at a convenience store and buys beer for everyone, how will you handle the situation?"

(3.) Move from "Moses" to "Micah."

The Israelites had all sorts of laws during the time of Moses. God had laid out a very detailed plan for His people to follow, because that was the first way they could know exactly what they were to do. At times, though, the law must have been overwhelming to God's followers. Later in the Old Testament, Micah sums up God's laws for the people in one simple sentence: "And what does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8, NKJV)

In early childhood, the most important thing kids need is a list of "do's" and "don't do's." As they begin to grow, they need to embrace the principles behind those rules, so that they can apply them to every area of life. This is important for two reasons. First, as life gets more complicated, it will become impossible to anticipate every situation and make up a rule for your kid that applies. Secondly, the principle-based behavior cultivates initiative your child will need as he moves into adulthood.Boundaries are an essential building block of parenthood. Without them, kids can never be sure when they are "out-of-bounds." On the other hand, when children are given a clear understanding of what is acceptable, they really have the freedom to shine! Choose to give your kids the freedom they deserve - within a clear-cut set of boundaries.

For more information, please visit www.crosswalk.com.

Kristina

Never Give Up!

2007-05-08T08:50:00.000-04:00

Can you think of a time that you wanted to accomplish one important task and started off strong and ended up not doing it? I can recall so many times in my life that I have done this to myself. I would like to tell a story to you about finding a will and a way through a relationship with GOD.
I was asked in February to run a 15K race. I thought how bad could it be to run 9.3 miles? Little did I know that you really need to train for a race! Everyday I would try to run or walk at least 2 miles, but with two children, a husband and a 40 hour work week, this did not always happen. I started to wonder whether I would ever make it, but I knew I promised my friend and I needed to do this for myself! So as the weeks drew closer to the race, my hopes were fading that I would not be able to finish the race. I went to the All Saints’ Healing Service one Wednesday afternoon; I knelt down before the altar and asked for the Lord to give me strength in my body and mind to finish this race. This incredible man prayed for me. When he placed his hands on my shoulders I could feel the movement of the Lord through me. When he finished praying, he looked at me, holding my hands, and told me he felt the presence of the Lord in me and that if I felt I couldn’t run anymore to remember this moment, and the Lord would give me strength to finish. The day of the race came and my running partner and I prayed before the race started. As we ran I knew the Lord was with me because as I reached the 8 mile mark, I felt I wasn’t going to make it. I remembered the moment at the altar and I prayed “Lord give me strength” over and over again in my head. Just as clear as that Wednesday afternoon, I felt the Lord in my legs as they kept getting stronger and stronger. As we crossed the finish line I cried for two reasons. First, the Lord was always with me and second, I FINISHED! Thanks be to God!

Love and Blessings!
Valarie